|
Everyone needs a good mower. I recommend one who works cheap
and has a strong back. That way he can do any heavy lifting
you may need done. Seriously, there are those in my family
who sell and repair lawn mowers. This is not an easy thing
for me to admit. Oh, I suppose I shouldn't complain, after
all they could be worse things---lawyers, telemarketers or
insurance salesman. I don't like lawns. No, that's not
exactly true.
What I don't like is mowing lawns. If you think this is a
small world, try mowing it. I only mow the lawn because no
husband has ever been shot while mowing the lawn or doing
the dishes. I have great lawn mowing equipment-two lawn
mowers, a weed trimmer and a brush cutter-as I said, my
family sells the stuff. We have a fairly large lawn. By the
time my wife, The Queen B, and I get ours mowed, it is time
to mow it again. I think my dislike for mowing lawns may be
genetic. My Grandmother hated mowing lawns. Friends,
neighbors, relatives, sheep and goats handled this duty for
her. Grandma refused to mow her Iowa lawn. I once asked her
why.
"The first time I ever read in a newspaper obituary that
someone was survived by a well-manicured lawn, then I'll
start mowing mine," explained my Grandmother.
Everyone has a neighbor with the perfect lawn. Someone who
loves the smell of grass clippings in the morning. Someone
who waters and fertilizes the lawn on a regular basis. I do
not do this. Why would I spend good money fertilizing a lawn
so I can spend even more good money pushing a gas eating
lawn mower? Just to feel the burn? I plant trees, shrubs,
wild grasses, wildflowers and gardens in order to eat up the
space formerly occupied by lawn grass. I even encourage
Creeping Charlie. It is pretty, smells good and doesn't need
mowing. I like dandelions, white clover and violets for the
color they add to the lawn's monoculture. I mean, if
Kentucky bluegrass is so great, how come the governor of
Kentucky let it get out of Kentucky? And fescue? What kind
of name is that? It sounds like the first name of one of the
Clampett family members on "The Beverly Hillbillies" or Matt
Dillon's right-hand man on "Gunsmoke". As I said, thanks to
my family, I have good lawn mowers. They start. They run. I
have had lawn mowers in the past that were not always so
anxious to start. I sold one particularly stubborn mower to
a local minister. Several weeks later, he stopped by my
house.
"That lawn mower you sold me, " he said. "I can't seem to
get the thing started. I pull and pull on that starter cord,
but nothing happens other than me working up a sweat. Is
there a secret to it?"
"There sure is," I answered. "It won't start unless you give
it a good cussing."
"I can't do that. I'm a man of the cloth. I do not cuss.
Sure, I used to utter the occasional swear word when I was a
kid, but I've forgotten how."
"Well, you keep pulling on that rope long enough and it will
all come back to you."
All too often I find myself drenched in DEET to keep me from
being sucked as dry as a mummy by the mosquitoes. I'm not
just for breakfast anymore. I grumble as I operate the
cursed lawn mower. I'm wearing a hat to fend off the bright
sun. I wear earplugs to combat the noise. Safety goggles to
prevent boulders from the driveway that have strayed onto
the lawn being hit by a mower blade and ricocheting off a
tree and striking me in the eye. Steel-toed boots are part
of my lawn mowing uniform. I still count my toes every time
I finish mowing. Finish mowing? Mowing is never finished. If
lawn mowing is so great, how come people don't pay a
ridiculous amount of money to watch Kevin Garnett or Barry
Bonds mow challenging lawns? With apologies to my relatives,
I rest my case.
?©2000Al Batt
Hartland, MN 56042
SnoEowl @ aol.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessings to you. Have a great week ahead.
Bob Johnston
Minneapolis
Starfish @ Ripplemaker.com
|
