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I
just had an ah-ha moment, a revelation of sorts. You see I
started out in life as a person who was not heard; invisible
to the world. No one cared what my opinions were and when I
did have the chance to express them; I was ignored,
ridiculed, or simply not taken seriously. At first I went
through a period where I felt I did not have anything of
value to contribute. Then the pendulum shifted and I became
insistent on people hearing what I had to say regardless of
whether they wanted to or not.
I argued my point with all the
passion within me. I truly believed I was right. The
trouble was, when you are so right, if the person you are
conversing with
yself disagreeing with
her point of view on the topic of volunteer work. I began
expressing my point of view. In the middle of my response,
she interjected with a comment which clearly meant she
either did not understand or did not agree with what I was
saying. I said in a very powerful and commanding voice, ???I
want you to listen.??? She became silent and I finished what I
had to say. She did not continue the discussion any further
and I realized she had stopped because I laid down the law,
I had the ultimate truth. No further discussion was
necessary.
After I got off the
phone, I did not feel good about the way the conversation
had ended. I did not want to disrespect her point of view.
I did not want to come across as I had the ultimate truth.
Yet I had taken control of that situation.
According to Dr. Phil,
whom I appreciate very much, (I received the very same
training at McGill) in this case, control is simply a
manifestation of insecurity. I had to ask myself why it was
so important for me to be right. Was I losing it? Was it
the inner child in me begging to be recognized; begging to
be accepted? Why wasn??™t the fact that she is my friend
acceptance enough? Why did she have to agree with every
word I said? The answer is obvious to most, but not to the
person experiencing it. It is truly because of insecurity.
I used to be insecure. I
am not anymore. As a result, it is time for me to go back
to making my actions and my thoughts congruent with each
other. Furthermore, it wouldn??™t be a bad idea for everyone
to do this reality check. Every once in a while reevaluate
your belief system. Is what you believe and how you carry
out your life congruent with each other; if not why not
?© 2005 Carol Roach |
