Gail and the Shingles
My wife, The Queen B, and I were on the boat of some friends of friends in
South Padre Island, Texas. My wife insists that I always accompany her on
trips because she believes that when traveling life’s highway, you should
carry your own dipstick. I am happy to be in her company and to do what I
can to make her life easier. A husband is someone who takes out the trash
and gives the impression that he has just cleaned the entire house. Women
don’t need a remote control. They have the actual control. Every man needs
a wife because there are a number of things that go wrong that we cannot
blame on the government. I love my wife. I will never forget the day I
asked her to marry me. She accepted my proposal, provided that her father
gave his consent. She warned me that her father loved her so much, that he
was particularly tough and choosy about her suitors and that I should
approach him cautiously. Thus warned, I walked on eggshells into her
father’s study and blurted out, “I want to marry your daughter!”
“Sure. Go right ahead and
blessings upon you, young man,” said her father. “By the way, what did you
say your name was?”
So there my wife and I were,
feeling the warm breezes of South Padre Island when my wife began to feel
ill. Life is a test that we haven’t studied for. The Queen B hadn’t felt
so poorly since that unfortunate incident with the Thigh Master. There
happened to be a doctor onboard and she recommended that I take my wife in
most haste to an emergency room. The kindly physician suspected the cause
of my wife’s ailment was stress from living with me. I did as she instructed
and drove my wife to the hospital. My wife agreed to go. That is quite an
admission for a good Minnesotan. Minnesotans believe a good sleep will cure
most anything. Once in the hospital’s emergency room, we quickly discovered
that there is little difference between an emergency room and a waiting
room. We waited a long time. Others waited even longer. I had never seen a
barbecue grill being used in a waiting room before. I tried to cheer my
wife by regaling her with tales of how ancient Egyptian doctors put their
patients under before surgery by hitting them on the head with a mallet. I
told her of a friend whose surgeon had left a sponge inside him. He told me
that the sponge didn’t cause him any pain, but that he was always thirsty.
I have always believed that a good laugh heals a lot of hurts. I tried to
laugh in order to cover my fears. The Queen B was questioned, probed and
prodded by a number of highly trained medical professionals. They were all
pleasant people doing a difficult job. Once a doctor was able to see her,
my wife was admitted to a hospital in Mission, Texas; a long way from home.
I worried so about my wife that I was unable to sleep while she in the
hospital. A couple of days in that facility and loads of antibiotics given
by IV and she was feeling feisty enough to be released. I was so happy to
hear the doctor say she was being released. It was the best thing I had
heard a doctor say since I heard my proctologist declare, “You can
straighten up now.” She had been diagnosed with shingles--I expected the
doctor to refer her to a roofing contractor, but it was the kind of shingles
that aren't on the house. I asked the doctor if her problem was
hereditary. I thought if it was, I could have the bill sent to her mother.
We bought prescription drugs and understood why some folks drive to Mexico
or Canada for them. Santa Claus definitely did not bring them. The price
tag was many times larger than the pills. We are thankful that we have
health insurance, albeit it one with a high deductible. We submitted the
bills for everything to our health plan, something called managed care. I
think that is because you are never certain when they will manage to care.
My wife is doing well. The
thoughtfulness expressed by friends old and new warmed our hearts.
I love the delicious Texas
grapefruit that I brought home, but I will let my wife eat it all. I am
married for life. It is so good to have her back home.
Sometimes the best gifts are
the ones that we have already received. Francis of Assisi said, “A single
sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.” My wife is that sunbeam. I
am a wealthy man. I have a wife who both knows me and loves me.
©Al Batt 2003
71622 325 St.
Hartland, MN
56042
SnoEowl@aol.com
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