Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness throughout the world.

Special Treat – Serina Matteson

August 7, 2006

Today I am pleased to announce another new writer for Storytime Tapestry.  Serina Matteson becomes writer #345.  Serina is gracious enough to share with us her incredible story of her battle with mental illness.  It will run in three parts.  The story is not pretty, and some of you may not be up to the challenge of reading it so I am issuing a warning – adult material.  But for those of you who are empathic to this woman’s battle with her illness and her subsequent recovery I urge you to read on.  Please welcome Serina into our wonderful storytime tapestry family.

My name is Serina Matteson. I am 39 years old and was diagnosed with Bipolar 1disorder, severe, when I was 32 years of age. I had just came out of my second marriage where my husband physically, sexually, and mentally abused me. I believe this was the stressful event in my life that caused my illness to surface. Immediately after the divorce doctors were not able to diagnose it because I became a severe alcoholic. I was drinking a half case of beer and a liter of vodka a day. Also I was taking around 200 ephedrine pills a day along with the booze. God is the only thing that kept me alive. Along with blood pressure medicine it still ran 200 over 120 daily.

    Finally one day I ran off from my kids and left them with my parents for four days. I had stolen my parents checkbook and went to the neighboring city where I stayed at bars for the entire time, never sleeping. On the fourth day I began to crash and came home crying to my mom, begging her to help me. The next day we went to the mental health center and my long road to recovery began. I am now a recovering alcoholic. It has not been easy. 60% of all Bipolars have a substance abuse problem and 20% of all Bipolars commit suicide, which I have tried three times.

    After seven years, life is beginning to look better. I am starting to become more stable with the right kind of medication now. Unfortunately I have many stories to share that may shock many people. I am not a horrible person but mental illness is a horrible condition. It can make any saint look like a devil.

 Serina Matteson

matteson4892@hotmail.com

My name is Serina Matteson. I live in Arab, Alabama which is where I have lived all my life. I am 39 years old and have two wonderful children. Daniel who is twenty and Anna who is 18. They are both in college now. My son is going to be an engineer and my daughter is going on a volleyball scholarship to be a teacher and coach. Right now I am an unemployed paralegal on disability because of my bipolar illness and an aspiring writer. My dreams are to publish a novel some day.

Just In Case You Really Want To Know…Part 1

Serina Matteson

Lately I been writing mostly humor. I love writing humor. Today I wanted to take the time to write about something serious. I’m sure you can guess what it is. And I’m sure no one will read this article because I actually worked very hard on it.

I want to give you some clinical definitions of what Bipolar is , then actually walk you through some of my days of what it is really like for me. It is not the same for everyone The symptoms can encompass a wide area of behavior, all detrimental. The days I’m going to walk you through are going to be the worse case ones during my unstable illness so you can better understand the effects of the disease.

According to Dianne Hales and Robert E. Hales, M.D. in, CARING FOR THE MIND, Bipolar I disorder always includes manic or mixed episodes with major depression. “People in the depressive phase of bipolar I disorder feel worthless, helpless, and hopeless; derive no pleasure from life; cannot concentrate or remember clearly; eat and sleep more or less than usual; withdraw from friends and relatives; complain of insomnia, aches, pains, fatigue, and other physical problems; and may consider or attempt suicide.”

“In severe mania, thinking no longer is logical. The manic person speaks in an uncontrollable rush, flitting from subject to subject, sometimes becoming incoherent. Thoughts seem to take shape too quickly to be put into words. As in psychotic disorders, these individuals cannot distinguish between what is real and what is not. Some develop grandiose delusions and see themselves as invincible, all-powerful, or special favored by God; some may even ‘hear’ Jesus Christ explaining the need for a special crusade. Others become paranoid and so angry and frightened that they feel as one person put it, ‘trapped in the bleakest caves of the mind-------caves you never knew were there.’”

According to the DSM-IV, a diagnosis of a manic episode should be based on these criteria:

!.A distinct period of an abnormally and persistently, elevated, expansive, or irritable mood that last at least one week or requires hospitalization.

2.Decreased need for sleep (e.g., feeling rested after three hours of sleep)

3. More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking.

4. Flight of ideas of feeling that one’s thought are racing.

5. Distractibility.

6. Increase in goal-directed activity (socially, sexually, at work or school) or physical and mental restlessness or agitation.

7.Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that are likely to lead to painful consequences, such as buying sprees or sexual indiscretions.

8. Marked impairment in the person’s ability to work or engage in usual social activities or relationships, or a need for hospitalization to prevent harm to the person or others.

9. The episode is not due to the direct effects of a medication, an illicit drug, or a medical condition.

After I woke up this morning I got the sensation that today was going to be a fairly normal day. Right now I’m getting my morning dose of, CHARMED, and writing during commercials. I’ve already swallowed down my daily meds. That would be 320mg of Diovan for high blood pressure, 40mg of Nexium for acid reflux, 400mg of Topomax, an anti seizure med for Bipolar, 20mg of Prozac for depression, 150mg of Effexor for depression, 200mg or Lamictal, an anti psychotic for Bipolar, 20mg of Abilify, an anti psychotic for Bipolar, 4mg of Ativan, a benzodiazapene for mania, and I take 100mg of Seroquel at night, another anti psychotic for sleep. I don’t think I left anything out. Oh yeah, and I’ve swilled down a pot of caffeine to shake of the sluggish effects from the sleeping pill. Sometimes I’ve thought about eating the caffeine straight from the can but keep changing my mind.

At 12:30 I’ll be standing by the side of the road in the baking sun waiting for the post woman to deliver my monthly check. I can’t teach her to give it to the dog. Then I will head straight to Wal-Mart to get it cashed because I don’t have a banking account. Then I’m carrying one of our kitty cats to the vets because the poor little baby has got something wrong with her eyes. After that it will be back home to play on Gather for a while and then cook some supper for my kids. Then the last thing on the list for the day will be to find someone in the family to help me give my dog a major scrubbing. Then back to play on Gather until about midnight. If all goes as planned I expect it to be a good day. I don’t foresee any unexpected mood changes ahead. I can usual tell it first thing when my feet hit the floor, that is if they hit the floor at all.

So, this it what a stable day looks like for me. Stress free. Stress of any kind can bring about a manic or depressed episode very quickly for me. Even a simple cold can turn me into a manic sex goddess.

I had planned on describing each one of those days for you too in this article but it is running long. So I will pick those two episodes up in a concluding article which I pray you will read. I think you will find it much more interesting and not as boring as this one.