Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness throughout the world.

Special  Treat – Carolyn Koen

January 23, 2007

I am happy to announce another new writer for Storytime Tapestry.  Carolyn Koen becomes writer # 399. Please email her and welcome her to the fold

Shut Up I am not Going To Hell!!

Carolyn Koen

This happened to me when I was three years old, and it still infuriates

me whenever I remember it.  My Mom wanted my sister Barbara (5 y.o.) to

take me to the church that was down the street from us. I was excited

because I got to wear this pretty white dress with a matching umbrella

purse. I had never been to church before and was a little nervous. We

walked in the Church and it was very crowded. All the seats were taken,

except in the front row. The sermon had already started and as I was

sitting down, the Preacher pointed to me and yelled "YOU'RE GOING TO

HELL"!! Then he pointed to a woman and yelled, "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!!"

I could'nt believe it! How dare this man tell me that I'm going to

hell? I jumped up and screamed as loud as I could, "SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!

I'M NOT GOING TO HELL!!  I'M NOT GOING TO HELL!!"  Well, he shut up

alright, with his mouth hanging open, he looked very shocked and

surprized. LOL!! My sister grabbed my hand and took me out of there as

fast as she could. As we were leaving I could hear the congregation

starting to laugh.  When we got home, my sister shouted "I'm never

taking her to church again!!"
   
      Two years later, my Mom decided it was time for me to go to

Sunday School. I was nervous because I had never been in a class before

and I was surrounded by complete strangers. I wasn't there five minutes

when the teacher asked me to say a prayer.  I had never prayed in front

of anyone else before but I figured I would just do it how I usually

did it. I bowed my head and said, "Dear Lord, please bless all my

brothers and sisters and Mom and Dad. Thank you for my friends and

family. Thank you. Amen."  The whole class started laughing, even the

teacher was laughing. I couldn't understand it. I still don't . I asked

the teacher, "Why are you laughing!" She said, "We don't usually say

thank you so much."  I ran crying all the way home. I decided right

then I would never go to that church again. To this day, I still don't

understand what was so damned funny.
   
     I did'nt go back to Chuch again till I was thirteen years old. I

went to a Catholic Church this time, with my best friend Nova. We got

there a little late so we had to sit on the front row. After a few

minutes everyone started to sing. I happened to look back, and I

noticed that everyone was standing up. I nudged my friend and we stood

up. We finished singing and he preached a while. He then told us to

stand up and open our Hymnals. Nova and I both bent down at the same

time and smacked our heads together. It was so loud we could hear it

echoing throughout the Church. It hurt pretty bad too. Everyone in the

Church started laughing at us. This time I could understand why. It was

pretty funny.
   
     When I was fifteen, I found a really great Church. I liked all the

people there and I made some good friends. I was kind of embarrassed

because I didn't have any dresses to wear to church,  I didn't even

have any nice pants to wear. I mostly wore blue jeans, but everyone

said that it didn't matter what you wore, just that you show up. I

loved it there and felt very welcome.
   
      A year after I started going to this Church, I met a sixteen year

old guy, who was homeless. His parents had kicked him out and he had no

where to live. He would come to my house and my Mom would give him

something to eat and let him use the shower. I invited him to my Church

but he was worried that he didn't have anything nice to wear.  I told

him that they didn't care about that. I washed his jeans, which had a

few holes in them, but they didn't look too bad.
   
     When we got to Church everyone was looking at him like he was the

scum of the earth. No one came up to greet him like they usually do

newcomers. I was so embarrassed. I couldn't believe how they were

treating him. I realized that they had been telling me lies the whole

time.  These people who I thought were Christians were all hypocrites!

The next week I asked The Pastor if I could address the congregation. I

got up there and told them how ashamed I was of everyone of them.  I

told them that I didn't think we were supposed to judge other people by

what they wore. I told them that they missed the chance to help this

poor guy who was down on his luck. I left the Church and never went

back.
   
      I'm forty one years old now. I have been to several Churches over

the years, but I have never felt comfortable in any of them. I even

went to Jimmy Swaggart a few months ago with my friend Brenda. They

sang and danced for three hours and only had a twenty minute sermon. I

hated it! I went there to hear the word of God but had to listen to all

that singing. What really upset me about the whole thing was that they

are totally in it for the money. Jimmy's son got up and said, "We have

to make Three million dollars today." I want everyone to take out their

checkbooks and give us a thousand dollars or more." Everyone  went up

and handed him a check, and he read it out loud. My friend went up and

gave him a twenty, he looked at her like she handed him a pile of shit.
   
      I have realized over the years that I feel closer to God in my

own home. I can concentrate better on the bible. I don't have to worry

about what I am wearing or what people think about me.  I feel that

everyone has the right to make their own decision about going to church

or not.  As it is right now, I feel that Church is not for me.

Carolyn Koen

mwilder39@yahoo.com