Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness around the world.

Carol’s Corner

Feb 22, 2007

Word of caution, this article may be offensive for some, but I defend the article in that it reflects a condition of our present day society.

Older Women Dating Younger Men

Carol Roach

Many older men and women find themselves divorced and entering the dating scene, after failed marriages.  This article addresses a question a middle aged woman asked me just recently.  She wanted to know why younger men were attracted to older women and was it appropriate to date and settle down with a much younger man.  She also went on to say that she could see the advantages to having a younger man as a spouse; especially since he would still be young enough to help when she became old and feeble.

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I think there are many reasons for this trend of young men dating and marrying older women.  However, most of them are negative. I will touch upon four aspects: young men preying on lonely older women, the thought that an older woman could become a mentor, Hollywood trends, and finally sheer laziness. By the end of the article I will put forth my opinion on whether these relationships can work and provide an example through the life of a friend of mine.

In terms of why younger men are attracted to older women, these men in questions (not all men of course) like to pry on the vulnerable.  There is a common notion that older women are “ripe for the picking” and “they are so old they will take love where ever they can get it.”

Another popular conception is that an older woman “is so good in the bedroom that she can become a young man’s mentor.” We must look at the context of this statement. These men can be as young as 18 years old and still in that juvenile sexual rush. Sexual exploration is a priority in their young lives, while intelligence and maturity take a back seat.

The idea of coupling with an older woman is tempting for a young man and is propagated largely by the media.  We just have to take a look at the entertainment industry where older celebrities team up and marry younger men. The marriage of Aston Kutcher to Demi Moore has been sensationalized all over the media and Hollywood glamour influences many a young mind.

Another trend that seems to occur either in the world of the rich and famous and has trickled down to common folk is the idea that an older woman would be a young man’s meal ticket.  I know a club here in Montreal where young men hang out to meet and lavish their attention on wealthy older women.  All these young hopefuls are expecting to be “a kept man” and see no problem with that concept.  Similarly, I have had a few friends who fell into this trap and married younger men who had no intention of working or participating in the marriage in any tangible way.

Therefore I truly recommend for anyone entertaining going out with a much younger guy   to beware of the wolves out there.

Having said all that I did that was negative; there are good relationships which come out of older women and younger men dating. I would be wrong to lead you to believe otherwise. So now I will turn my attention towards a serious relationship.

The first question to address, “is it wrong to entertain such a relationship?”  I do not feel that any relationship, barring the most deviant of relationships (which is not the focus of this discussion), is wrong as long as there are two consenting adults.  I base my opinion from a sociological stand point more than any other.  Having said that, I feel such a couple would be going against society norms even though these norms are slowly changing.  The bigger question to me is who is to say the norms were correct in the first place; just because they were always that way?  Society changes as people’s point of view change.  I suspect in about 50 years it would be considered normal behavior following that more and more people will indulge in these relationships.

To the lady who first asked this question and for everyone else as well is, “are you marrying for the right reasons?”

I used to believe that age is a factor. I did not see how May/December relationships could possibly work out.  I succumbed to the myth that these relationships would always, I repeat always break up because there was no common ground between the partners and therefore no real marriage.

I have changed my opinion now that I have looked closer at some of these relationships.  I feel that older women younger men relationships are no different from those sharing same age partners.  Two people must be suited for each other regardless of age. Furthermore, one must marry for the right reasons or it simply will not work out. 

If the only reason older woman marry younger men is to take care of them in their old age, the logic is flawed.  If couples have nothing in common, chances are the relationship will end in divorce long before the women get to their senior years.

One of my friends is married to a man who is 12 years younger that she is.  It is a very good marriage as they are both suited for each other.  She is young at heart and he is older in spirit than his years.  She has gone through some medical problems and he has been there for her throughout her ordeal.  But the difference is they love each other and for them, what society thinks about their relationship is not important. They have each other, and a daughter they conceived together and for them that is all that counts.

Carol Roach

winterose@videotron.ca

A Native of Montreal, Quebec, Carol is a graduate of Concordia, and McGill University.  She holds a bachelor in psychology and a Masters in counselling psychology.  Carol Roach is a published writer and newsletter editor.  You can purchase her book: Picking up the Pieces: A Woman's Journey at www.publishamerica.com, or www.amazon.com.  You can also go to your local bookstore and order it there as well.  Be sure to quote the isbn number: 1-4137-1921-X for local purchases:  Carol’s second book: Angels Watching Over is currently looking for a home. Stay tuned for details. 

If you are interested in other stories feel free to join her newsletter: Storytime Tapestry at: http://subs.zinester.com/98907 , or email her directly at winterose@videotron.ca and she will be glad to accommodate you.  Carol enjoys email and responds to every inquiry.