Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness throughout the world.

Special Treat – Cheryl Williams

March 14, 2007

Forgotten Child

Cheryl Williams

He was only four years old when he came into the group home.  For the purpose of this article, I will call him John.  John was quiet, shy, and fearful on that first day he walked through the doors.  We welcomed him with smiles, and did our best to make him feel comfortable.  But feeling comfortable is not easy for a child who is away from his home, even though it was an abusive one.  And feeling safe was a near impossibility, for John had not felt safe in a very long time.

He came to us after his crack-addicted mother had abandoned him more than once, leaving him to fend for himself in the filthy surroundings he knew of as home.  When a neighbor found him alone in the horrible surroundings with no food, she called Social Services.  And he was brought to stay with us.

Not only did John have to get accustomed to several new adults in the home, he also had to get used to being around other children from abusive situations, children who could get very angry and volatile at the least thing.  Most of the time John stayed quiet, and just observed.  He had little to say, at least in the beginning.

As John slowly began to trust the grown-ups in the house, and realize that we were not going to abandon him, he decided to test us just to make sure.  Abandonment was all that he had known, so that is where his comfort level was.  Knowing that a different plan was in place gave him a level of anxiety, so he began to act out.  He would yell and scream at the staff and other children, calling names and cursing.  He would physically strike out, hitting and kicking.  At times he had to be physically restrained by the staff for not only his own safety, but for the safety of everyone in the house.  He would continue to be angry.  But he soon came to realize that there was nothing he could do that was going to make us abandon him.

John's tantrums became less frequent, but another behavioral problem soon became evident.  John began to act out sexually.  It started when female staff members experienced him doing certain things.  For example, while watching TV, he would crawl up on the staff member's lap, and lay his head on her chest....and begin rubbing his head all around her breast.  Or he would be so bold as to reach out and grab her breast.  We were told to stop letting him sit on our laps due to this.  We also noticed that he would steal dolls from the little girls in the house, take them into his room and masturbate with them.  We were always finding naked Barbie dolls and others in his room, stuffed under his pillow or bed.  He also began to try and touch the little girls in the home, so we had to restrict the time he spent with the girls, and an adult always had to be present in the room with him.  Sometimes John would start to masturbate in the same room, with no care as to who else was around.

His new sexualized behavior led to the realization that John had been sexually abused.  By whom, none of us were sure.  Possibly his mother, or possibly someone that she knew.  To John, the behavior seemed perfectly normal.  He did not even seem to realize he was doing anything wrong.  We had to let John know that some behaviors were not acceptable in the house, and that he had to respect other people's bodies and other people's space.  It was a full-time job for the staff to work consistantly with John to get him to do this, but slowly he began to show signs of success.  We also made sure to let him know that nobody had a right to touch him or to get into his space without his permission, and to let a grown-up know if that ever happened.

The masturbation remained a problem, however.  So we had to explain to John that we realized it was pleasant to do that, but that it was something to do in the privacy of his room.  So we taught him to ask for private time when he needed it.  And he learned to do just that.  This tiny four year old boy would come to us, look up at us so innocently, and say, "May I go and have my private time now?"  We would say  yes, and he would go into his room, close the blinds, shut the door, and come out when he was ready.  After a few months of this, John's visits to his room became few and far between.  He was learning to find pleasure in other things and to release his anxiety in other ways.

John was with us longer than most children.  He was at the group home for four years, and on the day he walked out of the door with his new adoptive family, tears rolled down my face.  Tears of joy as well as tears of sadness.  There was joy that he had come so far from that first day he had walked into the home.  And there was joy in knowing he was going into a family who would love him and give him so many opportunities to excel.  The sadness came as well for I knew that I would miss him.  It is so easy to get attached to these little ones who have been so battered by life at such a young age. 

But I knew that his bed would be filled within the next day or two by another forgotten child.  There are so many.

Cheryl Williams

politicalgirl04@aol.com