Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness around the world.

Carol’s Corner

July 12, 2007

Pyramids and Puzzles: The Fabric of Our Lives

Carol Roach

During my studies in psychology, I came across many theories of personality and self fulfillment. My favorite will always be the  hierarchy of needs proposed by Abraham Maslow in 1954 and then revised in 1970.

Maslow proposed a series of needs common to all humans and placed them in the order of a pyramid; with the baser needs appearing at the bottom of the pyramid structure.  It was Maslow’s belief that all human needs are innate.  He stipulated that the lowest needs in the pyramid were shared by the entire animal kingdom. That being said, the basic need for all animal species, is the need for survival.  

The upper echelon of the pyramid comprised more advanced needs requiring human cognitive ability.  Maslow postulated that human beings were not ready to achieve the higher levels of human development unless the most basic needs were met.

His hierarchy of needs consisted of five distinct levels; the baser needs on the bottom and the more advanced cognitive needs at the top.  These needs were not interchangeable. Instead they were to be looked at as levels within the pyramid structure. Each individual had to successfully complete the levels in their exact sequence before venturing to a more complex level further up the pyramid.

Maslow called the first four needs deficiency needs or D- Needs. When successful at mastering these basic needs, an individual could then move up to the levels he called value needs or being needs – B-Needs.

A quite overview of the pyramid levels will show that the first level or most primal of all needs are physiological needs.  A person’s very first concern would be with food, water, shelter from the cold etc.  These needs are the driving force behind survival and will be of utmost importance before any of the other human needs in the pyramid can be considered.  Once these basic needs are met, the person can then venture on to the second level of the pyramid.

The second level of the evolution of humankind according to Maslow is the need for structure and security.  He asserted that after the basic needs of food and water are met, humans must feel safe. They must know their home, village, lives and property are safe. 

If you look at the lower level need for food, it goes without saying that it would not be too satisfying to think that even though you have this dish of food, another human or animal could steal it away from you at anytime.  Therefore the logic of this gradual progression in level is self evident.

Included in this level is the need for structure and predictability.  We can use the same example with food to illustrate the need.  Hence, a person must be able to predicate that his /her meal will always be there and that it will be available on a continual basis (structure) rather than doled out sporadically.  Maslow expounded that humans need to feel comfortable knowing they will indeed eat daily, rather than wonder if there will be days on end when the food will not be forth coming. For him it is the natural progression from looking for food on a moment to moment basis to hoarding (securing) it for days and months to come.

The third level of the pyramid structure takes a bit of a turn, instead of concentrating inward on “self”, the individual now looks outward. The individual develops a need to be loved, and/or desired sexually. A new focus is to acquire family and friendships. The need for belonging to a community and other social organizations surfaces as well.  At this level of functioning an individual realizes that he/she is not alone, not only does he/she need other people for help in a physical sense, having others around also fulfils an emotional need.

The fourth level of the pyramid is “the esteem needs”. “This group of needs requires both recognition from other people that results in feelings of prestige, acceptance, and status, and self-esteem that results in feelings of adequacy, competence, and confidence. Lack of satisfaction of the esteem needs results in discouragement and feelings of inferiority.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Maslow

The apex of the pyramid structure is called self actualization.  Maslow believed that once a person had conquered the lower levels the natural progression would be for the person to evolve into the best person that he or she could be.  However, he ascertained that only a few people in this world would actually reach the level of fulfilling their true potential.  He presented a list of people he felt had self actualized.  Abraham Lincoln was one of the people noted on his list.

Although Maslow did state that these levels were not permanent, individuals would ascend and descend the pyramid throughout their lifetime, critics have argued that the boundaries he proposed are not that demarcated in real life.  Personally I do not believe that a person waits to attain level three functioning before wanting to love and be loved. The need to feel loved is present in humans from birth.  Much research has been done to show the devastation to the human psyche when humans are deprived of love.

Long before I entered university I had a theory of my own.  It was my way as an amateur student of human nature to explain human behaviour.   I proposed that life is like a puzzle, consisting of several pieces which contain the various components of our lives. Each of these pieces or components must come together to fit and complete the puzzle.  Once our life puzzle is complete we will as humans, feel complete or made whole. 

Even though at that point in my life, I had never heard of Abraham Maslow, you can see how the pyramid analogy and my puzzle analogy share a common theme.  The completion of the puzzle would in fact resemble Maslow’s concept of self actualization.

In a jigsaw puzzle some pieces are bigger than others. Similarly, in life, some issues or facets of life are also bigger than others. There are things which we need or want and we put more personal stock into them.  Again, like Maslow the basic need for food would be a bigger piece in our lives to maintain than let’s say the need to learn how to dance, but if food is always available to us, dancing might be the need that we would want to focus on.   Unlike Maslow’s theory, my theory purports that each puzzle size is as unique as the person behind it. In other words, each piece of the puzzle represents segments of our life. Each puzzle is exclusive in its size and format reflecting the person it represents.

If I were to construct my puzzle the pieces would be spirituality, family, education, writing, career, money, friends, and volunteer work.  The size of the actual pieces represents the intensity of the desire within me to achieve these wants, needs and ultimate goals. For example, if I have a desire to achieve greatness this piece of the puzzle would be rather large. However if I do not have any motivation to do make a plan to achieve greatest, the piece will actually shrink in size.

Furthermore some lesser needs may actually disappear from the puzzle of life altogether.  I used to have a desire to learn how to drive a car.  I never learned how and at this stage of my life it is no longer a need or a desire; that puzzle piece has gone forever.

Other pieces may actually grow in size or develop throughout our lifetime.  When I was in high school, I knew that I was good at writing; unfortunately, at the time I considered writing to be just a part of the school curriculum.  I wrote essays and papers because I had to achieve a passing grade.  There was no desire in me to write.  After completing my university requirements, I came to realize that writing is very much a part of me.  The intensity for the desire to write grew to the point that I incorporate writing in my personal identity.  I am a writer, I live to write, I am truly fulfilled when I write.  Today my writing takes more than a third of my personal life puzzle; it is of major importance in my life.

Sometimes the pieces to our life puzzle fit together nicely and sometimes they do not. There are several reasons why this would happen.  1) Even though we have the desire and need to have something in our lives, we are not physically or emotionally ready for it. 

Drawing once again from my own life, after my divorce, I had a burning desire to join a social group and make new friends.  The trouble was I was painfully shy.  The first evening I went to a meeting I sat in the corner barely speaking the entire time I was there.  My desire to make friends was self evident but my inability to do so was not so brutally apparent until I actually was put in this very uncomfortable position. 

I throw out that piece of my puzzle and retrieved it a year later when I went back to the same organization and made myself known to everyone that very night.  I was immediately invited on the board of directors of that chapter and my life changed course from that time forward.

2) Perhaps the pieces do not fit because they were never meant to be.  I had a friend who desperately wanted to be a hockey player.  No matter how much as he practiced he just was not good enough to make the major leagues.  He tried until he was too old to get into the major leagues and he knew his dream was gone forever. Yet he didn’t throw the piece out to leave a hole in the puzzle and a hole in his heart. He reshaped the piece and added the new version to his life puzzle. He began coaching hockey at a local youth center.  He found a way to still remain a part of the sport he loved so much while teaching others along the way.

3) Other times the pieces do not fit properly because we have conflicting values. We learn that we must fine tune these values so that we can accommodate the different pieces intended to complete our puzzle. 

My friend wanted a boyfriend desperately or so she thought.  She would date but found something thing wrong with every man she met.  They never got a second date.  She wondered what she doing wrong. Why was she attracting all these “losers?”  It wasn’t until she took a good hard look at herself and her behaviour that she finally realized there was nothing innately wrong with these men.  Although she wanted a boyfriend she also wanted her independence. She didn’t want any man to tie her down.  She knew that she couldn’t be with someone and be alone at the same time. Something had to change to fit in these two important desired pieces of her life.  She went to a dating service that helped her to find a good compromise.  What she needed at the time was to casually date at her convenience with a man who had the same value system as her own. She began looking for men who were independent and had a life outside of dating.   My friend evidentially fell in love with the man she chose and they are married today. Both partners have demanding careers and are independent people. My friend’s two important pieces now fit together quite nicely in her life puzzle.

As I said before, every puzzle is different. Nobody’s life puzzle will look exactly like mine. Some people might include a social life, fitness, travel, adventure, entrepreneurial activities (owning your own business) athletic ability and more.  It doesn't matter what your puzzle looks like for it as unique as you are.  Though we all share the same human emotions, the puzzle analogy does not have strict components encased in various levels as Abraham Maslow would have it.  The Life puzzle, a creation of its master is fluid, constantly evolving and revolving around various issues in life.  There are no strict boundaries, you do not have to feel secure before you feel loved, and depending on your personal life situation it is possible to have both.  I was raised in abject poverty but I always felt loved.

To reiterate the point of the life puzzle, to feel complete as a person, our life puzzle must come together as a whole. Until such time we keep on searching, revising, enlarging, fine tuning our life puzzle or narrowing it down to the things that really matter most to us at any given point in time.

After I got divorced, there was a big piece missing in my life. I missed having a mate. I was very lonely. I have one now; that piece is set in its place. But my health declined and I lost my job. Now health and a new career which eventually leads to sustaining my household are the pieces that are missing for me. These are the two pieces I am currently working on. Once these two elements are set in place and I have reached my goals, my life puzzle and my life will be complete.

What does your puzzle look like, what are the pieces?

Is it complete? Are you totally fulfilled?

If not which pieces are missing and why?

Carol Roach

winterose@videotron.ca

Check out her newest book,

Angels Watching Over Me. http://www.lulu.com/content/644485