Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness around the world.

Carol’s Corner

November 18, 2007

Coming to Term With My Own Mortality– Reflections Upon Death – Part IV

This is the final part of the series, I hope you have enjoyed it.  I did a lot of reflecting upon death in such a short period of time, and I believe it was good to work things out and come to terms with my own mortality.

 Please read the first parts before reading this final chapter

 The Eulogy

 The Afterworld

The Wake 

You see Nora and I never really had a close relationship. Yes. Lavenia, her daughter, and I were best friends, but Nora and I were not close. I was much closer to the grandmother, Ellen, who would come by every Thursday night and take, Lavenia, Renate, and I out for a hamburger supper. We were just kids but we looked forward to it. Sometimes the three of us would go over and visit her at her new apartment on Walker Street. Then there was Marianne, Renate’s mother. I spend more time with her. Marianne was like a mother to the three of us. Lavenia was much closer to her aunt Marianne than her own mother. Marianne was always tending to us children, whereas Nora was very aloof.

I remember being just nine years old and Nora would laugh at my weight. I remember Renate sticking up for me and telling her aunt that it was not a very nice thing to say and she should apologize to me. I remember Nora then saying “Oh alright!”

We were no angels either. Renate and I sometimes laughed at Nora behind her back. I’m sure she knew about it. We used to laugh at the way she dressed, at the way she talked, and at the way she cooked. Marianne, Renate’s mother was such a good cook, but Nora couldn’t even make a hamburger without the meat falling apart. However, what we did not know at the time was that Nora had her funny ways because Nora was mentally ill. Even with mental issues she managed to hold down a grueling job in the laundry division of one of Montreal’s hospitals for years until she got progressively worse and they had no choice but to let her go.

By this time, I had grown up married and left the area. However, whenever I was downtown, and I met Nora on the street she would stop and say hello and ask me how my mother and Aunt were doing. In fact, Nora would do that with everyone. Nora never ignored a person she knew, and she was genuinely happy to see them. Nora was a social person and after she was home she needed to find an outlet. She needed to be among people and to socialize. Even though she had a home, she found another home in a local drop-in center for indigent women. The center served lunch each day to the many women living on the street, or had some sort of mental illness. Nora fit right in and she began to make friends.

Even though Nora remained social and greeted the many people she knew on the street in our community many tried to avoid her and others laughed or talked about her behind her back. Here at the woman’s center she was not judged by a standard she was unable to attain. No one laughed at the way she acted or the way she dressed. She was made to feel welcome by the visitors and workers alike. Unfortunately during her later years Nora became totally dysfunctional and had to be admitted to a nursing home. Lavenia hated to make that decision to place her, but under the circumstances it was the best decision for all concerned.

I would often inquire about how Nora was doing. Lavenia would always say she was doing well. She still recognized her daughter and had her wits about her, though her body had failed her and her memory was not what it once was. About six months ago, Marianne, Nora’s younger sister, and Renate’s mother passed away from cancer. I couldn’t go to the funeral. It was held in New York where she lived. I felt a twinge in my heart when I heard the news. I loved Marianne, in my own way.

Two and a half weeks ago, I got the call from Lavenia that her mother had passed away in her sleep. As always, level headed Lavenia, gave me the time and date of the viewing and the church service and requested that I be present at one or the other. She understood if I could not attend both.

My first reaction was that I knew in my heart that I had to attend both. I would feel so guilty if I didn’t. Nora nor her daughter, would never have missed the funeral service had the tables been turned and one of my beloved family members passed away. That was just the kind of people that they were. More importantly, I just could not disappoint Lavenia, my childhood friend. It was my place to be at her mother’s funeral. There was no other option to consider.

I planned to go with my aunt and cousin. They had to leave right away, but I was going to stay the entire time. The first thing we remarked was how beautiful Nora looked. She truly looked at peace. She looked angelic. No one could laugh or remark about the way she was dressed other than to say that she was well dressed. I heard people say how this was the best that they had ever seen Nora look and I had to agree, it truly was.

One of the concerns I believe that Lavenia had was that not many people would come to visit her mother. Her fears were unfounded. Nora had a multitude of people coming and going all day and night long. There was family, friends of the family, her personal friends, Lavenia’s friends, and friends and workers from the woman’s center and the nursing home.

A crazy thought came to me as I explained to Lavenia afterward. I thought to myself that Nora had a very respectable showing and outpouring of love, and if I were to die, who would come to my funeral; a hand full of people at best.

Beside my strange reaction to her death, I did have a wonderful time reconnecting with friends from the past. These were people I had not seen since my childhood. I have to admit most recognized me whereas I did not recognize them. It felt good to relive my childhood memories with them, to feel part of the community I thought I had long left behind. I felt that I had come home. I left the funeral parlor that evening feeling happy and that was another reaction I never expected to have.

The following day at the church service, Nora’s death finally hit me. I realized this was the end of her life. I would never have a chance to see her again. I met Randy for the first time the night of the showing for but a brief moment, and then I heard him give his eulogy. I couldn’t hold back my tears. I tried to wipe my eyes and slide down in my seat so no one could see me crying. I felt embarrassed. You see I have hidden my tears all my adult life. This display of emotion was first of all unexpected and second of all out of character. It was not the way I portray myself to the world.

Lavenia remained calm and collected just like always but her daughter Nadine broke down. When I saw Nadine cry, I had to let it out, I had to cry as well.

Nora was not my mother, and no I was not as close to Nora as I was to her sister Marianne, but Nora was an important part of my childhood. They are all gone now, Ellen, the grandmother, Nora and Marianne her children. All that is left are the grandchildren. Lavenia and Renate are the oldest surviving generation of the family. With the death of Nora came the realization that a chapter of my childhood was now permanently closed. It will not be long until Lavenia, Renate,

Carol Roach

winterose@videotron.ca

Check out her newest book,

Angels Watching Over Me. http://www.lulu.com/content/964306