Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness throughout the world.

Special Treat – Bonnie Carriles

February 27, 2008

Goodbye Ms. Virginia

Bonnie Carriles

I moved into my mobile home back in 2001 so that I could stay home with our disabled son and get my education. I never realized that moving into this place would bring me more than I bargained for.

Having grown up in a household that consisted of a military father, a mother who was working full-time and going to college, and a sister who really had nothing to do with me and left the home when I was about 12. We never had relatives visit nor did we visit them and in addition, I never really knew any of my grandparents other than my Grandpa Albert who I knew more through letters, cards, and phone calls. Basically, I grew up not knowing the value of family and would make my own family that consisted of my friends and their parents. Eventually as me and my friends grew and got out on our own, I was lost and luckily, after I got married I gained my sister-in-law Liza who refused to allow me to remain with the same (non) family values that I had. She became my surrogate mother and taught me many things about how a family should be (even though many times I resisted). She deserves many "shout outs" and praises but unfortunately this is not what my story today is about. But, I wanted to give my readers a perspective on how hard it has been for me to form relationships and open my heart to others.

We purchased our mobile home for a whopping 1,000. It needed a lot of work but it would become our stepping stone. Before we moved in my husband would take his extra time in the evenings and the weekends to repair the place before we brought our children who were 5, 7, 8, and 10 at the time. As the old owners were moving out, my husband was working in the house when he heard "Debbie! I brought you over some cheesecake!" At this time my husband was introduced to an elderly lady that lived next door. My husband mentioned jokingly that she could leave the cheesecake where it was and if Debbie was lucky, she may get a peace.

A couple of weeks later we moved in with no incident until one afternoon my son Robert came in complaining that the mean old lady next door yelled at him. Knowing that 99 percent of the time my son has done something wrong, I thought this would be a good opportunity to introduce myself and find out what was going on.  When I went over to her house, I introduced myself and asked her what had happened and apparently my son got a little bit too close to some plants that she had put in the yard. I told her that I was sorry and that I would definitely be speaking to my son. She apologized to me for being so abrupt with my son Robert but I told her if he was doing wrong and damaging her property, I don't mind her keeping him in line as long as I am told after the fact so I know how to deal with it. She agreed and introduced herself as Virginia, introduced me to her "pup" Polar Bear and invited me in for a cup of coffee.

We must have visited for most of the day and I learned that she was a visitor from a small town called Unity, Maine. She informed me that she stays with her son Jeff during the winter because it is just too cold there for her in Maine at her age, and her over protective son was scared that she would hurt herself. Eventually that one cup of coffee would turn into a daily event in which I would get my children off to school and go over to her home and have a cup of coffee and her many stories that she had to tell.

My husband would ask me why I spent so much time with her and I told him it was for several reasons. I felt some sort of attachment to this woman and was totally intrigued by the stories she shared with me. My husband felt that part of it was my need to have a grandparent figure in my life and because it is in my nature to make sure that everyone is taken care of.

Eventually our morning coffee would turn into having a cup of coffee with her and her son every chance we got. My children steered pretty clear from her the first year because she was somewhat moody and short with them. However, my little one Melody would not accept her being mean and would begin the process of melting her heart. When summer came close Virginia was to return to Maine and I told her, "I will miss you Ms. Virginia, who will I have coffee with everyday?" It was not only coffee that I craved, as I listened to her stories, she would listen to mine and through this we found many similarities between the two of us and even though she could have been my grandma, I thought of her as a really good friend which is why she would get angry with me for Ms. Virginia but I explained to her that it was a badge of honor in my opinion and the value of respect that I wanted my children to carry to learn.

The months until her return the following year would not come soon enough and when she returned, I was excited to see her and ready to begin our routine again. This year, I would begin to be introduced to her family members that she would speak about constantly that I had only known through the stories she told me. This particular year, I began to become sick and had two bouts with pneumonia and several problems with my teeth. One particular day, I was so ill that I could not move off the couch and I had not shown up for coffee and was unable to answer the door. When the children came home from school, Jeff came over and immediately took the kids for me until my husband got home (a concept that I never had been introduced to). I was not accustomed to other people taking care of my children because I never had that option due to my children having no grandparent involvement even though they live 10 minutes up the road.

Needless to say, I was very grateful. They fed the kids and watched movies while my husband took me to the hospital. After this, movies and dinner would become a frequent occurrence for the children and every chance they would get they would say, "Can we go over to Mr. Jeff's and Ms. Virginia's?" Later I would find out it was because they were being spoiled. While we provided for the kids, there were little things we were unable to give them such as buying candy, cakes, and the little extra's that kids love to have. Jeff and Ms. Virginia told me from that point forward, I would not need to worry about it and after school everyday, and Ms. Virginia would have snacks and juice for the kids. Shelby loved to go over to see Ms. Virginia because of all of this but in addition, Ms. Virginia taught her a game called "Flinch", and this was their game. If she wasn't playing Flinch with Shelby, she was helping Melody with homework. I often checked on them to make sure they were not getting on her nerves but I would come to find out that their company made her happy as she would always have someone in the house.

Eventually I became really ill because of my teeth and she recommended that I have them taken care of and I would constantly be told about how she had her teeth removed. Jeff would always complain about her repeating her stories over and over but, I didn't mind and every time I would act as if I never heard the story before. I had become so ill that I was unable to eat, drink, and even the wind would bother me. Having no insurance for dental kept me from properly taking care of myself and I eventually would get the money to have the teeth pulled but, it was without incident because I flat lined on the table and was rushed to the hospital where I was pumped full of charcoal because they assumed I has over  done it on something. They "thought" since I was only 26, had no insurance, live in a trailer, and had four kids, and really bad teeth that I "must have been on something". Turns out after mass amounts of testing that I had heart disease (story for another day). After several weeks, the dentist and my new heart doctor would find a way to have my teeth pulled out safely and being as young as I was, I was devastated and embarrassed that I had to be fitted for a partial set of dentures.

Ms. Virginia, knowing that I was deathly afraid of dentists, helped to convince me that it would be okay and it was not as bad as it seemed. However, I was more concerned with my husband having to take off work and lose money etc. She said, "Don't worry, we will take care of it" and she did. She enlisted the help of her daughter-in-law BJ, who lived an hour and a half away to come down for the day and take me for my surgery.

By this time, I had come to know her daughter in law BJ and her son Ed because that summer they had come from Maine and stayed with them for a little while. She was more than happy to help. When the day came, she said a prayer for me and I went to have the procedure done. When I got back from the surgery, all I wanted to do was have a cup of coffee and go home and go to bed. The minute I walked into her house I sat down and she put a cup of coffee on the table and I tried to drink it but it kept rolling out of my mouth. It gave us all a good giggle and when I was done trying, I told her I was going to go home when she told me that she had already made up her bed and I needed to get my butt in it. I was concerned that I would bleed and didn't want to put any extra strain on her but she insisted that she had a wash machine and knew how to use it. I would not only bleed but I puked as well and while I got sick I cried out of fear of upsetting her (something from my childhood) but, she never complained and in fact consoled me. When the kids got home, she told them to come over and watch movies until dad got home and we were there until then. This event would be the starting point at which I would begin to refer to her as not only my friend but my family.

As I got better we would in addition have homemade waffles on Saturday and Sunday dinners and would spend time together taking trips to North Carolina to visit the Border Station to look at the porcelain dolls that we both loved so much, to get cigarettes way cheaper, and to have lunch. My kids grew to love her and her dog Polar Bear and Shelby would often volunteer to take the dog on walks so Ms. Virginia would not have to. When the summers came, we would dread seeing her go and would keep in touch through the mail and phone calls.

 Eventually she would complain of being lonely there and wanted to come back here. Jeff said it was because she didn't get the attention there. Well, my family had become such a entity or growth on her that she became spoiled and the following year she decided to stay for the whole year and considered moving here for good but she would always go back and forth on the issue because after her husband of over fifty years passed away, she bought her mobile home, watched it being set up on the lot, and for the first time had something of her very own; and she was proud. She would often tell me that one summer she was going to steal me and the kids from my husband and take us with her to Maine to see her pride and joy.

Later that year my daughter Melody decided that she wanted to be baptized at the church where she has attended since age four. I discussed with Ms. Virginia how proud I was of her and my concern or want to get her a nice dress for the occasion. No more needed to be said and she did something that I never expected. The following Saturday, she and Jeff went out to shop and came home with a beautiful white dress for Melody to wear for her baptism. I was grateful and Melody was ecstatic. Not only did she buy her a beautiful dress, she and Jeff made sure to be in attendance that Sunday and it meant the world for Melody who said, "It was nice to look into the pews and see my family there" as she was only used to mom attending all the functions and dad being there when he could. But this time, we were all there and it made her week! And again, this would make me value and love her more.

We spent a lot of time together doing things that she and I loved to do such as painting, doing puzzles, playing yahtzee and phase 10 (her favorite game) and having coffee or work in our gardens together. It even came to the point that when her daughter Darlene would come to take her out for lunch with her family, she would invite me to go as well. However, because I had no extra money I would always decline and was only able to join her once. Sometimes, we would take rides around town to the thrift stores, to get her prescriptions, or just to hang out and in some ways, I believe that my involving myself with her would alleviate Jeff's worrying about her while he was at work. When I began my associates degree, our visiting would become less frequent but she understood and always made sure and told me how proud of me she was which meant the world to me because I could not remember the last time I was told this.

When Jeff decided to move an hour and half away she was not happy. She complained right up until she got into the car to leave for the last time. I was sad and worried that she would be bored while she was there so I ran across town and bought her a large painting of flowers and quickly got home to find that they were gone. However, my husband said they were going to eat before going and I knew just where. So, me and Shelby ran to the Denny's to find them sitting there having dinner. We piled in the booth and I had a cup of coffee and gave her the painting which she loved.

I felt really empty when they moved, like I had lost my best friend…and I had, I thought. But she, Jeff, and Polar Bear would come visit often. When she came, Shelby would bathe and groom polar bear for her so that she wouldn't have to worry about it, and Polar Bear loved the attention. The last visit (back in October) she told me that she would be going up to Maine to sell her place so she could come back here and buy a home with her son Jeff. When she left, I gave her a hug and told her to make sure that she stayed in touch and I knew that she would but at the same time, when she left I cried and my husband said, "I know this is hard on you because you love her so much but she will be back" in which I replied that I had a strange feeling that I would never see her again.

Around Thanksgiving I was informed that she was having health problems and her dementia was getting very bad but, she seemed in good spirits and coherent when I spoke to her on the phone. In November, we were having such a hard time and my spirits were really down when I checked the mail one day and there was a package from Ms. Virginia. When I opened it I saw it was a pink shirt. When I opened the shirt it had a bunch of flowers on it and said, "If friends were flowers, I would have picked you". It made my day and came at a time when I needed it the most. In December, I received a couple phone calls and a card for Christmas, and I sent her a card as well. However, when I tried to get a hold of her to wish her a Merry Christmas I was unable to contact her but was appeased that at least she would get my card and know that I was thinking about her. Jeff told me that they were having problems getting her back here because her doctors said that she was not healthy enough to travel and they were considering putting her into a home because she was needing extended care and had been in and out of the hospital. I was devastated knowing that I wanted to be there for her and take care of her but couldn't.

This past Saturday, I took my son to his therapy appointment and when I got out I had a missed call on my cell phone. Being in a rush, I jumped on the interstate and dialed up the voicemail to here her daughter Darlene had left me a message saying that Ms. Virginia had passed away, there would be no funeral, and she would be cremated and buried by her husband in the spring.

Knowing Ms. Virginia like I do, I know that this is what she wanted. She often talked about her passing and having a huge family, she did not want to have them fussing over her and going out of their way to make funeral arrangements. I was devastated. So much so that I began crying so uncontrollably that when I pulled over to the side of the road, my son became really concerned about what was wrong but it took me almost ten minutes to catch my breath and inform him of what happened. As I gained my composure and consoled my son, I thought of my Melody and Shelby who I knew would not take the news well. When I got home, my husband was visibly shaken and I knew that he had been told but, he did not know how to tell the girls. I sat with them, told them of her passing and we cried together. My husband, who I have not seen cry since the death of his father in 1993, even cried with us. Her death has rocked our world.

She was a private woman for the most part who only allowed those she loved into her life completely. Through her stories, I have learned many things about this woman that I came to know and love. The most prevalent of the stories she told over and over again were the stories of her sons Gary and Patrick; the two who broke her heart. Gary was her infant son who had died in 1957 at 4 months old and after the death of her husband, Patrick became distant and would not talk to her anymore due to family issues. Even though she had these regrets and pain in her live she truly valued and loved all of her children. She often talked highly and proudly of her daughter Darlene whom she had a bond with, as she too lost a child and who she felt was the most successful of her children. If Ms. Virginia needed, or even wanted something, Darlene was there to help her or spoil her. Most of Ms. Virginia's concerns were of Darlene because she has health issues, in which she expected to come home and help take care of her when she had her surgery this year. However, I have a feeling that she will be there. She won't be able to take care of her but, she will be there in spirit; I know this.

 Her other daughter Midge, who took care of in Maine was also very loved by her mother and not a day went by that I did not hear one story or another about Midge or the conversations that they had. Although she loved all of her children, I was only to see her interact with her two sons Ed and Jeffrey who I felt she "babied". She had an overwhelming need to see that these two were okay and taken care of. She was very family oriented and even though she said that her life was hard and their upbringing was harder causing her to become cranky and irritable all the time, she was happy.

Happy to have become a different person after meeting our family and me especially who when she would get cranky, I would tell her "Oh hush and behave yourself!" I was very forward with her, and she liked my joking around with her and I saw a change in her through the last six years that I have known her. A change that she needed and deserved after having gone through all that she had in life. Through her changing, it changed me, and it changed my family and we are all better people for having had her in our lives. I am grateful for having gotten to know her and so glad that she was a part of our lives.

 Now, all we are left with are memories of her. Because she is not having a funeral, I and the kids decided to have our own memorial for her. It will consist of lighting the Saint Christopher candle that she bought for me in North Carolina and playing Phase 10 in her honor because this is what she would have wanted. She knew that we, as her extended family, loved her very much and will ache as we miss her everyday.

Thank you Ms. Virginia for coming into my life and loving me and my family unconditionally, we love you so very much and will miss you everyday. I can only image how happy you are right now, especially being reunited with Gary whom you never able to truly know due to his untimely death. Although I miss you, I am glad you are no longer sick and in pain and I can only hope that you will keep your threat to me and "haunt me in my dreams". Rest in Peace, Ms. Virginia.

Ms. Virginia Alena Mulherin Shorey

She was born in Lyndon, Pennsylvania at her grandmother's home on September 18, 1920 to Edwin Thomas Mulherin and Eva Elena Keen. She grew up in Jerseyshore, Pennsylvania and eventually met and married George Shorey on August 18, 1946. Together they had six children; Darlene, Georgie (Midge), Edwin (Ed), Gary, Jeffrey, and Guy (Patrick). She also has a large amount of grandchildren and great-grandchildren who she loved very much as well. Through her life she had a variety of jobs in addition to raising six children. During WWII, she worked for Piper Air Craft along with a variety of jobs after the war that included Parson's Ready Peel in Unity, Maine, Ski land Woolen Mill, a Chicken Factory in Belfast, Maine, a gravedigger for 5 different cemeteries in Unity, Maine and traffic control for Walker Security and Ace Security. She got her "pup" Polar Bear in 1998 and he was her side kick until the day that she passed. Her favorite places include the Border Station, Jimmy's Diner in Norfolk, Virginia, and Applebee's. Her favorite colors were red, pink, and white and her favorite flowers were geraniums and roses. She loved playing games, gardening, spending time with friends and family. She led a long, full, and happy life and will be sorely missed by all those whose life that she touched.

Bonnie Carilles

krazyB73@aol.com