Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness around the world.

Value Speak – A Joe Walker Column

April March 2 , 2008

ValueSpeak

A Weekly Column

By Joseph Walker

 valuespeak@msn.com

 ValueSpeak

A Weekly Column

By Joseph Walker

CONSEQUENTLY BETTER

            Jon is a good kid.

            And I’m not just saying that because I’m his father.  You can ask anybody who knows him – even his 9^th grade math teacher, who probably remembers him as sort of a slacker, but a good kid nonetheless.

            But even a good kid can have a bad week.

            And for Jon, last week was a bad week.

            It started out pretty well. He has a part in his high school’s production of “Les Miserables,” and last week was the start of performances.  It was all fun and exciting until he found out that the girl he was going to ask to the junior prom had already been asked.

            And that was OK.  I mean, stuff like that happens.  No big deal, right?

            But then a series of bad choices started complicating his life.  Not horrific choices.  Nothing life-altering or overwhelmingly devastating in and of itself.  Just a series of dumb teenage decisions.  For example, he’s had a communication problem with his parents – he doesn’t tell us where he’s going and what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with – and that sort of came to a head last week.  I won’t go into detail.  Let’s just say he is pretty much grounded for the rest of the year and let it go at that, shall we?

            Then we let him take the car to do some church service (ostensibly) and he ended up somewhere other than where he was supposed to be (see communication problem, above) and pulling out in front of a car that had the right of way.  Thankfully, no one was injured in the accident.  But now he has a citation to pay for and damages to two cars with which to deal.  And now he is grounded for the rest of the decade.

            Then yesterday his mother went to the video store and found out that Jon had rented some video games (not a problem) and had incurred late fees totaling $50 (a SERIOUS problem).  So in the space of four days Jon has lost his prom date, his freedom, his driving privileges and all the money he will earn for the next three years.  And he’s grounded through the rest of the century, or until the Cubs win the World Series.  Whichever comes first.

            The thing is, Jon really is a good kid.  You can’t help but pull for him and want good things to happen for him.  And they probably will – eventually.  But Jon is learning the hard way that even good people can make bad choices.  And when they do, they have to face the consequences of those choices.         

            Of course, as Jon’s father I want what’s best for my child.  But sometimes I forget that what’s best for him isn’t always comfortable or pleasant. I have a tendency to want to make his life easier, even when he is experiencing the consequences of bad choices – even when I myself have imposed those consequences.  I’m notorious for grounding him for life, then feeling bad for him and letting him go out with friends that night – which lately has led to more bad choices.

            So actually I’m not really helping him when I do that, am I? The fact is, I’m probably hurting him by interfering with the lessons life is trying so hard to teach him.  And I’m crippling him against the time when I’m not around any more, or I can’t make the bad stuff go away.

            So today, rather than trying to fix things for him, I’m just sitting here watching while Jon works his way through the consequences of this rough past week.  It isn’t easy –  for him or for me.  I find myself wishing that I could take away some of the frustration and the embarrassment. But I take comfort in knowing that he’ll learn from this, and it will help him grow into a stronger and, consequently, better adult.

            Which is really saying something, because he’s already a good kid.