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March 12, 2005

A Letter To My Mother

Kathleen Ann Shelton

Dear Mom,



This is the hardest letter that I have ever had to write to you. As I
write this, tears are flowing freely down my face, blurring my vision,
dripping down my face, soaking my paper. My hands are shaking, my
heart pounding fiercely and rapidly. But, this is the only way I know
of how to show you how much I love you.



Mom, it is ok to let go now. You have suffered so much and fought a
valiant fight. I have seen how you attempted to carry on a normal
life, all the while, knowing that you were dying, that you were
fighting a losing battle. You have lived longer than what the doctors
expected you to.



I was shrewd though Mom. In a way, I believe that I was the cause of
your lingering death, but, I cannot say that I regret my actions. I
knew that it was better for you to suffer a little longer here on
earth than to suffer eternally. Mom, I prayed to Yahweh, my God
Almighty, begging and pleading with Him to keep you alive long enough
to accept Yahshua, Christ as your Saviour and Yahweh, Himself as your
God. When you were too weak to protest or to change channels, I would
set the radio to a Christian station or the television to a Christian
channel. I plotted, planned and even manipulated so that your spirit
and soul could receive the Word and be fed. I stood up to Yahweh,
reminding Him of His Word, even to the point of literally, physically
standing on the Bible and quoting His Word and His promise back to Him.



Even before you told me, I knew. The transformation was astonishing. I
saw the look of peace upon your face and in your eyes. I felt Yahwehs
Holy Spirit strong within you, comforting you. Even though in pain
and deadly ill, you radiated more peace and beauty than I have ever
witnessed from you before. I even felt the presence of His Angels as
they surrounded you. My heart leapt with joy.



So now, I must fulfill my bargain with Yahweh. I must let you go in
peace. I must surrender you to Him totally and completely with the
assurance that our separation is only temporal. And yes, it is hard.
You are my mother, the one who birthed me, raised me, sacrificed for
me, and always stood by my side regardless of what I did. You have
always been there for me. The selfish, little girl side of me cries
for "her mommy", but, the loving, caring side says that it is time to
release you.



I cannot apologize for the way I negotiated with Yahweh and for
pulling the strings that I pulled with my God. It was the only way
that I knew to guarantee your salvation and to have the affirmation
that I would be with you again. That I would not have to say
good-bye, but rather, "see you later, Mom". It was the only way I
knew to save your life.



You lay here today with the oxygen tanks breathing for you and the
morphine coursing through your veins to dim the pain and make you
comfortable. Your voice has grown weak. You are tired and seek rest.



So Mom, I have one more strategy in mind. Again I stand upon His
Word, reminding Him of His Promise and soliciting for one more favor.
I ask that you do not die alone and afraid. I request that He sends
His Angels to hold your hand and guide you. And, I know beyond a
shadow of a doubt, that He will grant this one last request that I
make for you.



So Mom, you are now free to leave this world and get the rest that you
so well deserve.



Sleep well my Dear Mother and rest assured that we will be together again.





I love you.





Your Daughter,



Kathleen Ann Shelton

kathleenannshelton @yahoo.com