STORYTIME TAPESTRY

The Newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness throughout the world

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Special Treat ??“ New writer ??“ Phoenix

Sept 5, 2005? 

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Introducing Phoenix who becomes writer # 243 for Storytime Tapestry.?  Don??™t forget to email her and tell what you think.

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PLEASE NOTE: I write under the pen name "Phoenix" although I have no problem with my first name being added, however I prefer to not add my last name.? ? Because I do a lot of research (right now? I am? doing research on a possible article/story about homelessness in Ottawa)? and have people contact me I give out a business e-mail and phone number they are ? flightofphoenix@rogers.com? and 613-240-6706,? the e-mail? is added with my signature at the end of the article.? 

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I hope this submission is accepted and I also hope to submit often if you let me <G>.

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AS THE MINUTES PASS BY

Although awareness of Domestic Violence has come a long way, it has not come far enough. Society still has its biases and its share of ignorance about this very real, very serious issue. PLEASE CHECK THE TIME BEFORE YOU START READING THIS!!!!! (use this as the synopsis)

I am a survivor of Domestic Violence. In the past I kept my own experience very private. Shame, embarrassment, and many other emotions stopped me from
telling others. I blamed myself and allowed my abuser to hold that power over me for many years. I have learned that silence is just as damaging, just as painful.
There are others who are living in their own personal hell, like I did. Afraid - afraid to tell, afraid to leave, afraid to stay.

No One Is Exempt

Abusers have an uncanny ability to pick, groom, and imprison the person they are abusing. I always say it is not as though they smack you on the first date and tell you that is how it is going to be. There are many, many psychological "games" they play and anyone can fall victim. Yes, anyone - you, your daughter, son, grandchild. Domestic Violence knows no color, religion, education, age or financial lines. It affects the rich and the poor, the educated and uneducated. It affects everyone.

Often we look only at the women or children who are abused and I guess more often than not woman and children are the victims. But the truth is there are men out there who are also victims of violence. Women can also be abusers and we cannot forget the men who are victims.

Abuse against men is a highly underreported crime and I am sure most people can figure out why. Let's not close our eyes to them or see them as less because they are men. Victims are victims. We must, MUST, try to make a difference to all of them.

Why? Let Me Explain

For those who have never personally been affected by Domestic Violence, the question is often "why do they stay?". A common phrase is "I would never let a man/woman hit me. I would leave". This is the reality: walk a mile in someone else's shoes before deciding how you would act or react.

I can answer for myself only in terms of the "why did you stay" question, however, I know the similarities in my answer to many other victims and survivors. I stayed for a variety of reasons:

1.? ? ? ? ?  By the time I realized the storm I was in I was convinced that it was my fault, that I deserved this abuse in some way.

2.? ? ? ? ?  I believed I could change him, if only I could love him enough.....

3.? ? ? ? ?  Fear!!!! I knew leaving would put me in great danger but beyond that it was made very clear to me that leaving him would put many of my family members? ? 

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? in danger as well.

4.? ? ? ? ?  I had NO IDEA who I could turn to. He had been successful in alienating me from most of my family and friends. I felt alone and confused.

A person living in this type of situation loses track of who they are and? whom they can trust. They BELIEVE what their abuser tells them. They become
void and empty. All of these things are very hard to overcome.

They are also very often financially dependent on their abuser.

Another sad reality is that for many victims who do the right thing and leave it is not the end. In fact, leaving can come at the price of their own lives.

So Much More Than Physical Abuse

A little known fact to those who have never been touched by Domestic Violence is this - all of the fists, kicks, slaps and other physical abuse endured is just one part of it. The mental, spiritual, and psychological damage is immense. I have physical scars but the pain from those is gone and the pain from each slap or punch only lasts so long.

What stays, what hurts for much longer and is much harder to heal is the mental abuse. The nightmares are still very real, the inability to trust, the belief that I am nothing, is much harder to conquer.

Society Plays Ostrich

What makes it harder is ignorance. The head in the sand mentality many take with regards to this issue. I admit it is not a fun topic. It is not comfortable to talk about or to acknowledge and it is very easy to close our eyes to the truths. We blame the victim and somehow that makes it easier for some to believe it could not happen to them.

It is this mind set that has to change.

My question is this, how many women, children and even men have to die or be left permanently damaged before society will realize that this is not going
away without a fight? How many times do we have to read about the court orders that did not work? How many victims do we have to see before we stand
up and say NO MORE?

Take Steps to Help

I am asking you to take that first step and educate yourself on the realities of Domestic Violence. One important way to help is? to donate money but I am not a fool. I understand the realities of the financial times we live in.

If money is tight there are other ways to help.

1.? ? ? ? ?  You can donate things to Domestic Violence shelters that you would? normally throw away. There are many organizations that collect items that
? ? ?  ? ? ? ?  help survivors start over: clothes, furniture even food.

2.? ? ? ? ?  Volunteer time.

3.? ? ? ? ?  Listen to what is going on.

4.? ? ? ? ?  Educate yourself and others.

5.? ? ? ? ?  Don't look the other way or judge others


Please, just see this issue and do what you can. I am asking you, all of?  you, to join in the fight to stop this problem.. If everyone reading this article did one thing, ONE THING, to help, it would make a huge difference - if even to one person.

At the beginning of this article, I asked you to look at the time. Check it again. How many minutes did it take for you to read this?? Every 60 seconds a woman is abused in Canada.How many woman were abused in the time it took you to read this?

Remember, you can make a difference.

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Phoenix - Awareness and education? is the key to life!

phoenix_warrior_34@yahoo.ca

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I am a 32 year old mom of one. I am passionate about the issues surrounding domestic violence, mental health issues and children as well as many more. I homeschool my 12 year old son. I love music, reading and writing and I am aiming to become a freelance writer and hopefully a novelist. I love to research anything and everything and I am 'addicted' to learning.

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My motto is "Awareness and Education? are the Keys to Life - With Them You Can Open Any Door!"