STORYTIME TAPESTRY

The Newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness throughout the world

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Special Treat ??“ From Me!

Sept 9, 2005? 

? A Heavenly Place

Carol Roach

My soul cried out so long to be heard and nobody listened. My soul cried out to be acknowledged and nobody knew I was there. My heart cried out to be loved and cherished and nobody cared.? 

The days of my youth were painful ones. I never received the nurturing required to become a healthy functioning adult. I grew not knowing who I was, or what I was all about. I wandered through life with no game plan, frantically trying out different things, some succeeding and some failing miserably. I tried desperately to be what others wanted me to be. I had no idea what I truly wanted, or had the courage to go for it once I did.? 

Only in my middle-age years did I truly step out and take back my power which I had willingly given away. I decided to go with what my heart said was right not what my head settled for. I began to take risks. Some of them paid off and some didn??™t but I did them, I let go of my fear and I tried.? 

I found out a lot of great things through these trials and tribulations. I found I had skills which always were present, but my mind was too closed to see them. Sometimes I had inkling that these skills were in me, yet did not develop them out of fear that I could never be ???good enough.??? Once again I would be rejected, thrown out of the circle, not taken seriously.

It was surprising when I was given a task and these skills presented themselves. They just poured out from somewhere within me; a secret valley; unchartered territory. When allowed to blossom, my skill became a beautiful flower to be enjoyed by all.

I was able to change a negative into a positive. My need for acceptance transformed into my ability to help those who live on the fringe of society become accepted, their voices heard, their stories told. I understood their pain, I lived it.

I became an advocate for the rights of families whose children were institutionalized through the social services. I was loved by my clients. I fought tooth and nail for their rights. I was highly respected among the agency personnel. They respected what I had to say. Many changes in the lives of my clients were facilitated because of my efforts. I had gained the reputation of being the best advocate for the duration that I was there.

Later, I began a university degree at the age of 37 and spent 7 years of my life training. Again, I wanted to deal with the downtrodden of society. I still had a need to champion the underdog. I deliberately choose a mental hospital for my internship and I did well there. I was so good that my supervisor said to me one day, ???I forget that you are an intern sometimes.??? To me this was the highest compliment of all.

My plans for a career in psychology did not materialize. I had to get a job immediately. I had no income and the job market in Montreal was depressed. I took a job in an unrelated field. I did not use any of my new found skills and I was miserable. Later, I no longer believed in myself and gave up my dreams of a career in my chosen profession.?  I was not happy. I felt trapped in a prison of my own making only I did not remember where I put the key.

Through all of this I truly loved the time I spent on the computer. The internet opened up an entirely new world for me. I chatted online and made some friends. I had some interesting conversations very much needed to stimulate my mind. Then it happened. I discovered writing and I knew I was once again in my element.

I am in heaven when I am writing. I am transposed to another place in time, a place where I control; a place where I choose the scenario. I choose the players, and I choose their action. I can go back to the pain of my childhood or I can jump to the joy of my future.

After having two books to my credit, articles published in anthologies, and a very successful newsletter, I realize I had found yet another skill. But it does not stop there. I know I will write for the rest of my life. Writing is a part of me. It is the extension of my soul. It does not matter if I make a million dollars, or if I become another Steinbeck or Faulkner. What does matter is that I write and people want to read what I have to say.

I constantly try to improve my art. I take courses and dabble in different genres looking for my perfect niche; my piece of heaven. I have learned so much over the years. Each new style of writing is added to my repertoire, while ? ? my writing is constantly improving. This too is important to me.? 

When I write my soul pours out on paper whether it be about a personal experience, a commentary or expose, or a character in a novel that I am creating. I am happy when I am writing. I feel such joy in my heart, even if the content matter is sad. I am realizing my potential. I feel good about myself and who I am becoming. I like me! I am in heaven.

My heaven has a physical dimension, my computer, and my desk. My heaven has a spiritual dimension centering upon writing and the song of my heart. My heaven is a place which is non-judgmental and nurturing to my soul. My heaven releases all the creativity of the universe. My heaven is a place where individuals of like mind join together to send out positive vibrations to the universe. My heaven is Shangri La on earth. My heaven is a blissful paradise exploding with positive energy and love for humanity. My heaven has no boundaries. My heaven is peaceful and serene. My heaven is vibrant and energetic. My heaven resides in the hearts of others. My heaven is 42 days of writing passionately.

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Carol Roach

winterose@videotron.ca

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A Native of Montreal, Quebec, Carol is a graduate of Concordia, and McGill University.?  She holds a bachelor in psychology and a Masters in counselling psychology.?  Carol Roach is a published writer and newsletter editor.?  You can purchase her book: Picking up the Pieces: A Woman's Journey at www.publishamerica.com, or www.amazon.com.?  You can also go to your local bookstore and order it there as well.?  Carol??™s second book: Angels Watching Over is currently looking for a home. Stay tuned for details. ? 

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If you are interested in other stories feel free to join her newsletter: Storytime Tapestry at: http://subs.zinester.com/98907 , or email her directly at winterose@videotron.ca and she will be glad to accommodate you.?  Carol enjoys email and responds to every inquiry.