Special Treat ??“ Sharon Bryant

Sept 20, 2005? 

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Closure

Sharon Bryant

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I believe the one word I detest in the dictionary is "closure."? 

? It means to "end," conclusion.

As I watch the news broadcasts on the missing girl, Natalee Holloway in Aruba, I hear the word closure mentioned several times.?  Just today they stated they hope to find her body so the family can find "closure."

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For those who have lost a loved one, whether it be a parent, sibling, friend or child, I can't help but ask, "Do you forget them in time?"?  Being a parent myself who has lost a child, I can't find closure.?  I cannot end the memory, nor can I stop the pain that comes and goes at any given moment.

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Someone asked me if I'd write a book for those who have not lost a child

and try and explain how we bereaved parents feel when our child dies.

?  I don't? believe I can do that.?  I don't believe any words I would write would give the true impact of what losing a child does to our hearts, our minds,

and our lives.?  I only know since the years have passed

since my child died, I have not found closure, the end.

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To end something is to put it behind you, allowing memories to grow dim.? 

How can I put behind me and allow dim memories of a child I gave birth to??  How can I forget the feeling when he was placed in my arms in the hospital??  How can I explain the feelings of love I had and still have? for my child??  And how can I explain how one heart can be bursting with pride on one occasion, then be

torn apart on another occasion??  I can't.?  There are no words on this earth

that can describe what we feel when our child dies.?  Only pain, a pain

that stays within us the rest of our lives.

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I don't know if Natalee Holloway is alive or has been kidnapped and taken to

a place we would not want to think about.?  I only know what her parents are going through.?  I only know it is horrendous.?  And though, from what we've

all seen, chances are not good that Natalee will be found alive.?  Then her parents will enter the doorway that all bereaved parents enter.?  One that changes our lives, one that we cannot find closure to, and one that will

stay in our minds the rest of our lives. Yet, we do survive.? 

? Exist is sometimes what I feel it is other than surviving.? 

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I know those who have never lost a child can only imagine what losing your child feels like.?  I receive emails from parents who read something I write about bereavement who have never lost a child yet tell me they are

? hugging their children a little tighter tonight.?  Thanking God that they

have not had to face the horrendous tragedy of outliving their child.

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I never realized how many lose their child.?  I never knew for many years that there were so many who felt like I did.?  It wasn't until I began working with support, that I found out that every eleven seconds, somewhere in the world,

a child dies.?  I can look at the second hand on my watch and know as it ticks away, in seconds, someone else is going to feel what I? do.?  I know that every few seconds someone in this world is going to have changes in their lives and they will never be able to go back to life as it once was before their child died.?  I know every eleven seconds, somewhere

in this world, a heart will be broken.

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I would like to thank each and everyone of those who have lost a child, who

is working and trying to help the newly bereaved walk this walk.?  I know the amount of time that is involved when working with bereavement.?  I know the pain.?  And yet, I know it helps to help another.?  Most of all, it helps so much

to know you are not alone.?  For when our child dies, we feel isolated.?  We

feel no one but those who have endured that pain, can understand.? 

I hope many of you never know the pain.?  I hope tragedy never strikes

your life as it has mine and so many others.

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I will not find closure until I cannot feel again.?  I cannot find closure when

? my heart will break every time I see a little boy who resembles my child,

? or hear the words, "Mom" called out.?  I cannot find closure at the Holidays when everyone celebrates and my heart bleeds again for the one who is

? not here.?  I cannot forget the day my child was born.?  Everywhere I look,

there are memories.? 

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McDonald's, buying school clothes, ads on TV, a pair of shoes, a little pair of blue jeans, and for me, the number 18, which was on his little shirt the day God called him home.?  I look at trees swaying in the wind on days a breeze comes, and I feel the pain all over again of how one tree fell that day long ago and changed my life forever.

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Closure.?  Impossible when you love someone.?  Impossible when you spend the rest of your life wondering what your life would have been like

had you never had to face this tragedy.

My heart goes out to all of you who are walking the road that I am.? 

But, somehow, we will survive.

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Sharon Bryant

1946@bellsouth.net

www.angelsremembered.tk

In memory of all our? children who left this world too soon

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