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Special Treat ??“ ? Maria Doherty

Oct 22, 2005? 

Living In the Moment

Maria Doherty.

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The feeling I want to witness is an all pervasive sadness; it leaks from my pores, settles in my soul, slows my heart and covers me like a stifling visionless fog.

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When I hold it, I notice an ache in my cheekbones from stemming unshed tears.

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I notice the unrelieved painful tension in my shoulders and neck, from carrying the weight of my self-directed anger alone and unshared. So that is where the sadness is coming from.

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I notice the headache creeping up from the back of my neck into my temples, like a dark pressure filled shadow beginning to crush my brain to stop it from thinking, thinking, thinking. It is not the thinking that causes the pressure, it is the lack of resolution.

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Even my breathing is tentative, as though I fear to inhale fully; inhale what? Life, a full breath of life, that is what I fear and it is the recognition of that fear which sparks the anger. Then there is only the shallow breathing of my sadness, the regrets, the broken promises, the unlived dreams.

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I rest here fully witnessing this sadness, allowing it to seep into my bones, to have its way, I listen to the heaviness of its words and acknowledge why it is wrapping itself around me like a cold linen shroud. I understand you, sadness. I know your reasons. I accept your whispered rebuke. I surrender.

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And now I release this sorrow and putting one foot in front of another, I step forward seeking that place of joy which will embrace me and soothe me until the shadow fades into the nothingness from which it rose.

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Maria Doherty

mariadoherty@blueyonder.co.uk