STORYTIME TAPESTRY

The Newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness throughout the world

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Special Treat ??“ From Me

Feb 5, 2006

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Darla

"I fill the paper with the breathings of my heart and??¦??¦"

I listen to its fear.

My stomach sank, my heart was heavy, my life in turmoil.?  I had to move.?  I was evicted from my home.?  I had three weeks to find a new place to live.?  I combed the papers and could find nothing.?  The rents were way out of my range.?  Yet I was forced to take a house that I knew I could not afford.?  This option though desperate seems better than living on a park bench for the winter. It was with much anxiety that I moved into my present dwelling. Somehow I just had to believe that I would be able to make it.? 

My adult son who lives with me made the moving arrangements.?  My stepfather drove the truck but my son??™s friends would actually be moving the furniture.?  Because of my ill health, all I had to do was go over to the house once my bed had been set up. I was reluctant to leave my old house and stayed the night alone, sleeping on an old coach with only my cats for company.?  But the next night I had to put my fear aside and just accept the new place for what it was.

I was surprised to find a young girl there when I arrived.?  My son told me she had helped them move and clean up.?  She was actually washing all the dishes when I entered the house.?  My normal reaction when Steven brings strangers to the house is to be very reserved if not indignant at times.?  In the past, he has brought home some pretty sleazy characters who needed a place to stay. The last girl he brought home to escape the cold was a street prostitute who had just came out of prison.?  The girl only stayed one night. She did not have a place to stay. Frankly she scared me to death.? 

However, there was something about this new girl who I shall name Darla.?  I took an instant liking to her.?  Something inside me said ???give this girl a chance. She needs you and you need her.????  The feeling was so strong and so strange that it confused me.?  I knew she had nowhere to stay. I heard myself offering to have her live with us.?  I couldn??™t believe my own ears as I was saying it. She accepted without giving it a second thought.

Afterwards she briefed me in on her past.?  She was 23-years-old, had four children who were placed in foster care.?  The courts deemed she was not capable of taking care of them at this time in her life.?  The father of the children was 16 years her senior.?  He was a crack head and a pimp.?  Darla had left him and was afraid for her life.?  He had beaten her up on numerous occasions and she was afraid if he found her this time he would do the same or worst.

The first two months that she stayed with us, she was happy and I was happy. Darla cleaned the house and did everything she could for me.?  She called me mom and I treated her like the daughter I never had.?  I had really grown to love her. I never regretted my decision of taking this virtual stranger into my home and into my heart.? 

My fears about paying the rent were put aside. The money she paid for her board took care of that.?  Darla and I got along really well and she was fighting to get her children back.?  She wanted to have them come and stay with us. I loved the girl so much that I would have agreed to just about anything. I wanted to see her happy.?  It hurt me that she had such a terrible life and I wanted her to have the best life she ever had with me. I provided guidance for her and she was doing so well. I was proud of her.

Towards the end of the second month things began to change ever so slowly. ? We had moved in on September l, and by the end of October, Darla was beginning to show signs of restlessness.?  I knew she had been ???a street kid??? all her life.?  She was a product of the juvenile social services and ran from any home she ever lived in.? 

Darla was not allowed to bring into my house any unsavoury characters.?  We had many discussions on what it would take to get her kids back and one of the issues was the company she kept.?  Darla did drop these friends for me in an effort to change her life around.? 

But when the people stopped coming to the house, she was bored. She started to stay out over night, each time coming up with an excuse why she couldn??™t make her way home.?  I could not sleep when she was out.?  In the beginning she would call to let me know where she was and then the calls stopped.?  Her absence from home grew in length and the stories for her staying out became more elaborate as she went along.?  My son asked me was it possible that so much could happen to one girl? I had my doubts back then, but I could not prove or disprove her stories.

I had taken all I could take when she went to a night club with a friend and when I called the friend??™s house the following day, the friend said she was not there. She had sent her in an ambulance to the hospital, and had not heard from her since.?  The story Darla gave us two days later when she finally called, was that someone spiked her drink with Crystal Meth and she nearly died.?  Even though it was hard to be angry with someone for that, I was angry that she never called or had someone call on her behalf.?  She came home and we had a long talk about her actions and how she was incapable of taking care of herself.?  I had a friend to chaperone in place for her from that point forward. He guaranteed that he would make sure she got home the same night she went out, safe and sound.

By November lst, she had moved out on the pretense that she was going to be a live-in babysitter for a couple that worked all night.?  I was hurt, and my son was hurt, we begged her to come back.?  My son was thinking about the financial help and I was thinking about how much I loved her and missed her.?  Darla came back 11 days later after claiming that she gave the couple a two weeks notice, but the woman threw her out on the street immediately after hearing that she planned on leaving.?  I could not help but feel bad for her.

I thought that she would settle down now that she was back, but she didn??™t. ? There were still excuses for staying out all night.?  By this time Steven and I were used to the excuses and we lived with them.?  One thing I did ask of her was to let me know in advance if she did not plan on coming home.?  She stayed two nights in the hospital when a friend??™s child had an accident and split his head open, then she stayed away for several days when the same friend had another child that fell down the stairs and died.? 

By now I no longer believed her stories. I just went along with them.?  She was paying her board, helping me with the rent and she was an adult, what more could I do??  ? We had endless talks about the behaviour that was expected from her in order to get her children back and nothing seemed to get through to her anymore.?  I was tired of worrying and getting sick every time I did not hear from her.?  I couldn??™t put myself through that anymore.

In early December, she had a fight with Steven.?  By the evening Steven and I thought it was all worked out once they had a heart to heart talk.?  She even cooked his supper for him.? 

Darla had just had an operation the week before and she complained to me that pus was escaping from the incision.?  The hospital had proscribed pain killers and antibiotics. She never had money to purchase them.?  I didn??™t have any either or I would have gladly bought them for her.?  ? 

I was worried that she may have an infection and I sent her to the hospital.?  She called me that evening to say that she was being kept in and could possibly be kept until the Wednesday before being released.?  That hospital visit occurred on the Monday night.?  I asked her to call me by the Wednesday so that I would know what was going on.?  She agreed.? 

I did not hear any word that Wednesday. I did not hear any word the entire work week.?  On Sunday afternoon a friend of hers called to announce that Darla was moving out, could she come by to pick up her belongings??  I was shocked, hurt, and dumbfounded.?  I said yes.?  She came, got everything, and barely looked at me.?  On her way out the door she said she would call.? 

The friend said she was getting her own apartment, yet she told her mother that she was moving in with the friend whose child had died.?  I called her mother on Christmas Day to wish her a merry Christmas. Darla was over at her brother??™s house across the street.?  She couldn??™t even pick up the phone to wish me a Merry Christmas. I hadn??™t heard from her since she had left my house in such an ungrateful manner two weeks before.

Just after New Years I got an important call for her and since I had no way of communicating it to her, I called her mother.?  The problem was the mother never heard from her since Christmas Day either.?  Her mother and I got to talking and I explained how I still cared for her and still considered her as a daughter.?  I was hurt by the way she left though.?  She did not have the respect to even tell me she was leaving; she got someone else to do it.?  We had a good talk and her mother suspected like I did that she was back with her abusive ex boyfriend again.

Last night I got a call from the mother.?  Darla had called from a payphone sobbing her eyes out.?  The story was the friend moved away permanently and she went over to talk to her ex about the kids and they got into a disagreement and now she was stranded.?  The mother told her about our conversation. She said to call me since I had no issues with her and possibly she could come back and stay with me.?  She did not have to bother with Steven if she didn??™t want to; it would be just her and me.?  I didn??™t know what to say.?  I was put on the spot.?  The mother said she hoped that she didn??™t say anything wrong.?  After I got off the phone I told my son about it and he said he didn??™t want to see her.

Darla called and wanted to come over and I had to tell her what Steven said.?  He was just as hurt by the way she left the last time as I was.?  I said perhaps in time they could talk about it; I didn??™t know.?  She said she understood and she promised to call me.?  She would go to her mother??™s house now since she had no where to go.

I felt so bad when I got off the phone.?  I did not want to hurt her.?  I would have loved to take her in my arms and cuddle her but then what??  Part of me wants her to come back so badly and the other part is saying what will be different this time.?  I feel that I am emotionally incapable of making this decision so I will leave it up to my son who is the other person who lives in my house.?  What ever he decides will be the way we go on this issue.

I love her and I miss her.?  I also hurt for her and I fear that she will get herself into big trouble.?  My heart is racing as I write this story for I know that she will continue to repeat this pattern, destroying every good that comes into her life for a brief encounter with her ex.?  I pray that one day she will leave him for good, before he completely destroys her life.

Carol Roach

winterose@videotron.ca

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A Native of Montreal, Quebec, Carol is a graduate of Concordia, and McGill University.?  She holds a bachelor in psychology and a Masters in counselling psychology.?  Carol Roach is a published writer and newsletter editor.?  You can purchase her book: Picking up the Pieces: A Woman's Journey at www.publishamerica.com, or www.amazon.com.?  You can also go to your local bookstore and order it there as well.?  Carol??™s second book: Angels Watching Over is currently looking for a home. Stay tuned for details.? 

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If you are interested in other stories feel free to join her newsletter: Storytime Tapestry at: http://subs.zinester.com/98907 , or email her directly at winterose@videotron.ca and she will be glad to accommodate you.?  Carol enjoys email and responds to every inquiry.