Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness around the world.

April 1, 2006

Today’s announcements

Today is the beginning of our April fool’s Contest.  The stories presented here will be about practical jokes or embarrassing situations.  All members have the opportunity to vote at the end of the contest.  Remember to joint down your favourite story and writer, but should you forget you can always go to the archives to reread them.  The details on how to vote is the same as in past contests, and will be posted with the authors and their submissions at the end of the contest.

And at this very time we will be welcoming a new writer who has joined us for the contest.  Boy to I love when new writers jump right in like that.  What a great way to show your active participation in our Storytime community.  Lu Swart becomes writer # 307, for Storytime Tapestry.  Please email her and give her the famous hearty Storytime Tapestry welcome. 

Now onto the good stuff!

Today’s April Stories

~**~**~

My Most Embarrassing Moment

Fred Skill

Early in my career as a classified advertising salesman for a newspaper I dealt mainly with auto dealers and real estate offices.  I came up with an idea for real estate offices that were the exclusive agents for the new home developments.  My idea was to sell a double truck (two facing pages) and place the tract locations on a map in the center and name it 'New Home Tour'.  I was encouraged, so I set out to sell the space.

My first sales appointment was with Claudine Mandis of Mandis Realty the largest real estate firm in the area they were the exclusive sales agents for five new home tracts. As I pulled up in front of the real estate office, in my Mercedes Benz 190 SL Roadster with the top down, you could tell I was kind of full of myself.

I checked my appearance in the rear view mirror, although why I did beats me, my crew cut hair cut wasn't going anywhere and my tie was a clip on tie for those that remember such things. So glancing down to get my clipboard I noticed that my fly was unzipped I then looked around and noticed two ladies sitting at desks facing the plate glass windows looking right at me. No problem, as I was still sitting in my car, I just opened my clipboard and made some notes on my lap and reached under the clipboard and adjusted my apparel. 

Then closing my clipboard I bounded out of the car and as I straightened up I discovered that I had zipped my tie into my fly and it had pulled loose from my collar and was hanging from my lap. There I stood with my black slacks white button down shirt and a bright red tie hanging from my fly.  I froze like Bambi in the headlights when I looked up the lady on the left was pounding the lady on the right and pointing in my direction I could tell they were laughing even though I couldn't hear them through the plate glass window.  It seemed like it took the longest time to get back into my car and rearrange my clothing so I could go through that office to keep my appointment. Oh yes, I made the sale but of course with the adrenaline that I was pumping I must have seemed enthusiastic.

Fred Skill

fskill@shasta.com

~**~**~

 Find Out

By Lu Swart

The old iron gate creaked open and shut, challenging me to go to it. I could still hear Sam's words echoing in my mind. "Dad said that if you stick your tongue on the gate this morning, you would be stuck there until spring." How I longed just once to prove Dad and Sam wrong. Sam was always bossing me around, telling me you gotta do this, you can't do that.

The gate swung again. I sat down on the snow covered tree stump to study it. My tongue would be wet and warm. It would probably just melt the frost, I told myself, like the warm milk hitting the bucket first thing in the morning during milking. Besides the metal bars on the gate were only as big around as a quarter, it couldn't hold me there until next spring! The image of my brother's taunting face saying, "I told you so" flickered in my mind. Suddenly I knew the answer. I turned and ran into the house. I burst into the kitchen and asked my mom.

"Mom, if you think that someone is wrong about something and you think that you're right what would you do?"

My mother brushed at her hair with her doughy hands and said,

"Sometimes you just have to find out for yourself." Turning back to the door. I opened it and then asked,

"What if you're wrong?" My mother smiled and said,

"Then you will learn a lesson you will never forget. Why are you asking?"

"Oh, nothing" I shrugged my shoulders and went back outside. The gate swung open and creaked, "Find Out!" So I ran quickly over and put the tip of my tongue on the metal bar.

Sam and Dad were wrong. I wasn't there until next spring, my mom was right, my sore tongue taught me to never lick cold gate post. A lesson I have never forgotten!

Lu Swart

luswart@gmail.com

~**~**~

April Fools Backfire  

Susan Roberts 

I had a friend, let's call her Bunny, that wanted to play a BIG APRIL FOOLS joke on her husband Ken.

Bunny had asked me for some ideas, but I couldn't come up with anything at the moment. Well Bunny did, at last.  On April 1st she was cooking bacon for her husband and he was sitting at the table waiting for his breakfast. Bunny yelled "Ken, watch the bacon, I'm going to be sick!" and she ran for the bathroom, making gagging noises as she went. She sat in the bathroom and did her nails before coming out.

Ken was sitting at the table, eating the breakfast he had to cook for himself, and not looking very happy about that.

Bunny had to turn her head to keep him from seeing the BIG SMILE on her face as she pulled the BIG ONE on him. "Ken, I think we are going to have a baby, I have morning sickness." Well Ken turned  every shade of white you could think of before saying "Are you sure?'  Bunny turned around and laughed APRIL FOOLS!!!  Well Ken didn't know if he should be mad or relieved, turned out he had a good laugh with her. 

Then 2 weeks later it was Ken that had the last laugh, Bunny WAS expecting a baby and she hadn't even known it at the time she pulled the trick on Ken. Bunny had a hard time keeping Ken from trying to name the baby APRIL FOOLS.

I am Susan Roberts, in Florida.

Susan Roberts

Twofamily2@earthlink.net

~**~**~

April Fools Day Submission….Through the Years  

Lynne Stevenson

   When I was about 12 or 13, my idea of the perfect April Fool's Day prank was to switch the sugar and salt around in my mother's sugar bowl and salt shaker. The night before I switched the two around after everyone else had gone to bed. It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud the next morning as I watched her heap several well rounded teaspoons of salt into the first of her usually many steaming cups of Maxwell House Instant Coffee. She was steadily fussing at my father about something insignificant and wasn't paying attention to what she was doing anyway.

      After filling her mouth with the dark steaming liquid, her eyes grew wide as saucers and coffee went spraying all over our off white dining room wall and the beige shag carpet. "OK, which one of you knuckleheads is responsible for this one ?", she asked me and my baby sister, who was about 4 years old at the time. Of course, by this time I was bent over double laughing and had tears rolling down my face. Needless to say, later that afternoon after I came home from school I was washing the wall and carpeting. The walls had to be repainted and the stains never came out completely from the carpet. A couple of years later we solved the carpet problem by moving to another house.

      Fast forward about 16 years. I was 28 and remarried for the second time. My only child was eight years old. This particular April Fool's Day I called my mother on the private telephone line in her boss's office at the bank where she worked. The first words out of Derry's mouth, her boss were, "What's wrong? Who's hurt?" He knew I didn't call on that line very often. I told him that everything was fine, that I just needed to talk to my mother for a minute. He went and got her and she picked up the phone. "What's wrong? Derry said you had something important to tell me."

"Are you sitting down, Mama, ? " I asked her. "No, but let me grab a chair!" I heard her put the phone down on Derry's desk and heard the rustle of a chair being scooted across the bare concrete floor.

      "I went to the doctor today. You remember Dr. Tatum, the one who delivered Edie (my sister)?" "He says we're having twins in about six months!" I heard the thud when the phone hit the floor. That's when I got worried. "Mama, are you there? What's going on?" I heard somebody grab the phone off of the floor. The next voice I heard was Derry's. "What in the world did you say to her? She's just sitting here with a dazed look on her face!" I heard her mumbling in the background "Oh no, there's going to be two more of them now!"

      I explained to Derry what I had just told Mama. I then told him to look at his desk calendar and pay close attention to what day of the year it was...He started laughing hysterically. "HA HA HA Becky, she got you REALLY good this year! I think this was the best prank she's pulled on you yet! " He handed her the phone and all she could say was "I'll deal with you when I get home later!" Later that night she called me at work and said that everybody in the bank got a kick out of what I did, and for me not to ever pull anything else like that on her, especially when there was a lobby full of customers waiting for service. It took her about 3 hours to fully calm down.

      Lynne Stevenson  

Pugsmom37@aol.com 

Senior Writers

Chief writer: Sharon Bryant

Agee, Vance; Apted, Violet; Baker, Kathy; Batt, Al; Berry, Nell; Blaine, Pamela; Boda, Ginger; Buhagiar, Victor; Cassady, B.J.; Cavalera, Robyn; Crider, Mark; Deming, Barb; Doherty, Maria; Gilbert, Robert, Jr.; Goodier, Steve; Braun-Haley, Ellie; Harris, Kathy Anne; Hunt, Sharlett; Hymes, Christina; Jacobson, Gary; Kiser, Roger Dean; Kerens, Claudia; Kevin, Tim; Jenkins, Pamela; Liles, Norma; Lily Jodi Flesberg; Lock, Joyce; Marlor, Janice Bumbalough; Mazzella, Joe; Morris, Deepak; Ojeibge, Georgewaters; Petry, Dianna Doles; Roberts, Susan; Shiveley, Debra; Shaw, Bob; Sims, Richard; Streidel, Saskia; Swarner, Ken; Vaknin, Sam; Verhoeff, Jan; Walker, Bill; Walker, Joe; Warner, Gordon, K; Walsh, Sue; Weymouth, Barbara J.; Whirity, Kathy;

Wainland, David; Westerfer, Clara; White Robert;

Storytime Tapestry Staff

Carol Roach - Founder/publisher

Thelma Hartselle - Co-Founder, Moderator

Clara Westerfer – moderator

Bob Johnston - moderator