Storytime Tapestry Newsletter

The newsletter devoted to spreading love and cultural awareness throughout the world.

Special Treat – Paula Booher

May 26, 2006

Congratulations, this story makes Paula Booher an official senior writer for Storytime Tapestry.  Paula joined us on February 8, 2006 and became writer number 287.  She has been delighting us with her stories and poetry ever since.  Paula has a heart of gold, and is the most compassionate person you could ever meet.  She continues to write her stories and make new friends on Storytime, daily.

The Married Stranger

by Paula Booher

This may sound like a cheap copout to some who may read this but I encourage you to read on.  This particular situation may intrigue you if you do.  Others may snub their nose in judgment.

For those who have had or know someone who has been in my particular situation or a similar one you may understand full well what I am about to say.  It is not an easy subject to broach yet one that must be addressed.  In my situation it is very sensitive and one that I do not tread on lightly.  I have prayed about it, over it, under it, and even through it for many years now and I've come to this conclusion.   Some people are not meant to be married.  Things Do change after the marriage vows are spoken and People do show their True colors after those same vows are given at the altar before Almighty God.  Though both parties are both sincere and love each other and God with their hearts and souls at the time the vows are addressed to both, life has a way of creeping in and throwing unexpected curve balls.  Some would say, "Well This or That...Or".  The truth is sometimes there simply isn't a black and white solution to Everything and Sometimes you just have to come to the realization that things DO CHANGE that are OUT OF OUR CONTROL...

For instance:  I had brain surgery and I changed from the person my husband thought he married to the person I Am now.  At least in His mind.  I am convinced that I am only an enhanced version of the original.  Does that mean he is committed to what he considers a stranger for the rest of his life?  Does that mean that I am supposed to be tied to someone that does not agree with the way I Now see things?  These are Real issues that Have to be addressed and dealt with on a daily basis not only because we are in a committed relationship but because we also have an 8 year old daughter that needs our love and support.  She is caught in the middle of two parents who love and adore her with an absolute love that has nothing to do with our commitment on a day she didn't even exist.  Our daughter was a gift of the love we shared before the surgery and our daughter will Always be our daughter no matter any decision or conclusion we come to.  She is not the reason we got married and she is not the reason we will or will not stay married.  She deserves the very best of us and she will get the very best we have to offer her no matter what!  That very best includes making wise choices now that are in her best interest.  Whether we Stay together as a married couple or Not isn't the issue.  We are best suited to serve her as a good team in 'agreement' is the issue.  That comes daily, issue by issue step by step...most days moment by moment.  With five kids, Rogers' accident last year, my chronic conditions, and a disabled brother-in-law in our home going down hill progressively these past six months, And all the Many crisis that show up at our door daily, it's by the Grace of God that we still STAND...In Jesus Name Amen!

The REALLY GOOD NEWS!  The Joy of the LORD IS MY STRENGTH!  Each and Every day I Rise up with a song in my heart, friends at my fingertips that raise my spirits, and God provides me with so many BLESSINGS that I can not contain them in my store houses.  It's not about money though we always seem to have just enough.  It's about relationships.  We have ALOT of those.  In fact every day God is increasing my relationships with more people than I can count.  My mind is clear, my mind is crisp, and my memory is in tact.  Without the help of the therapy that the doctors had planned or the hospital had set up for me in the beginning, which btw would have been impossible to adhere to.  God has performed all the therapy I have needed to get me back on track by just letting me live my own life over the course of the past 8 years to get me back to where I was before the emergency brain surgery.  That's the GOOD NEWS!

The point of this story is:  A lot of truth has come from the past 8 year run of this marriage.  Since the surgery a lot of healing has come for this family.  A lot of healing has come for me.  I have become more outspoken and clear about What it is I want and need from my life and expect from myself.  It could be that I value the time I have here Because of the trauma of my life being brought to a Sudden Halt or that I faced my own mortality.  I'm sure that had a lot to do with it.  I prefer to think of it as an eye opening awareness that I have a lot to offer as well as Roger and we are best suited to allow each other the freedom to choose without restraints to do so.  We have a good relationship and being married or not being married is not the problem.  We live as friends.  We have a private marriage that involves our private business and we don't let anyone dictate to us how to run that marriage except ourselves.  That's the way it should be.  My point to this story is this:

Should people be forced to Stay married who find themselves in a situation like ours, if things change after the marriage vows? What if they find themselves married to a stranger after a major medical event, are they still obliged to stay in the marriage?

 Should they feel guilty or chastised by their friends or church after a divorce or separation of this type? 

Should the person who instigates the divorce feel they are abandoning the injured spouse if they choose to go on with their life and try to live it with some sense of fulfillment after that without feeling like they have done dirt to the other if the injured one has set them free with their blessing? 

The ones involved in the marriage should be the ones to decide and not others outside of the marriage.  The ones inside the vows made the vows and they are the ones that should be respected at that decision.  Those not involved should honor their decision and support whatever that decision is with their love and support the same way they did at the wedding, with your blessings...In Jesus Name Amen. 

copyright 4/21/2006 2:00 a.m.

Paula Deann Roe Honeycutt Booher

wrappednword@yahoo.com

bio:

A Missouri gal born and raised I am the mother of 6 children.  One is in heaven, three are here with me, and two are my stepsons,(one of which has graced us with a beautiful baby girl). Divorced 3 times from my first husband I am no stranger to the woes of a broken marriage.  No divorce is a fun one.  It takes a lot out of anyone and it is not been without alot of pain.  Healing is Gods' territory.  He has His reasons for allowing us to go Through some things.  My first, second, and third husband, (same person), is now my neighbor.  I also do some part time work with him and our oldest son Jake.  Some would think me crazy.  I choose to see it as, "We all have to spend eternity together, we'd Better learn how to get along down here first!"...In Jesus Name Amen.